Dating : Here’s What Not To Do When Your Partner Feels Unsexy

There’s oodles of advice on the internet on how to make sure your partner knows that you consider them to be attractive and sexy.

This kind of reassurance is, of course, very important to a relationship.

However — what if no matter what you say or do, your partner just doesn’t feel desirable?

In many instances, this kind of thing has absolutely nothing to do with you as a partner as far as how much attention and encouragement you’re giving and it likely has everything to do with an individual’s own self-esteem.

There’s only so much you can do as a partner to boost someone else’s confidence if they’re not truly feeling it on their own.

What you shouldn’t do if your partner is really struggling with their self-confidence is over-reassure them or try too hard to prove to them that you think they’re super sexy — even if you sincerely think they are.

If you set a precedent of acting as the only source of self-esteem for your partner when they don’t truly feel it within themselves, you’re actually enabling them to rely on you as a mecca of approval and assurance.

In the long-run, with this type of co-dependent behavior, you’ll find out that if you stop giving compliments or ego-boosts to an insecure partner after continually doing so, it will wreak havoc on the relationship itself because now your partner is relying on you and only you to lift them up onto a pedestal of attractiveness.

If you stop reassuring your partner that they’re attractive all the time, they may dive deeper into the feeling of not loving themselves if they haven’t done the work needed to get to an appropriate level of confidence on their own.

Each individual in a relationship needs to do that inner work on themselves in order to feel that they are a worthy and valued partner. No one can do that for them.

Compliments are great — YES. Co-dependency due to insecurity is NOT.

Everyone has their bad days, weeks — even years — as far as how they feel about their looks, their body, or their weight. Having a partner who supports and encourages you as far as how you look is wonderful.

There’s nothing wrong with giving and getting praise and appreciation within a relationship. Just don’t get into the habit of being the only mirror for building self-esteem in your partner’s life and vice versa for them towards you.

Ultimately, it’s not your job to cultivate a partner’s self-confidence for them.

Although you can definitely water those self-esteem seeds for your partner and admire the flowers when they finally blossom, the real work has to be done — by that individual alone— from the inside out.

More from Michelle: Here’s The Truth About Partners Who Think You’re Cheating On Them — When You’re Not