Dating : How I Grew as a Person by Emailing My Future Partner

Of the misalignments in my life that Future Boyfriend drew attention to, the most glaring was that I was living in my car. My Toyota Corolla days were a trip at first, but I ended up feeling trapped, unable to be my healthiest.

When I swallowed my independence and moved in with my parents, the social and material comfort replaced some of what I’d leaned on the emails for. Meanwhile, from penning more online essays, I felt less need to privately express myself. I now wrote public love letters to multiple souls at a time. ❤

Still I missed that indescribable connection to my true self that I felt when I wrote to him. Our emails had gone from almost weekly, to very occasional. But I accepted that my hobbies change to keep life feeling fresh. There were other ways I continued to self-reflect, work on myself, cultivate hope, and celebrate my steps.

Now in March 2021, it’s been 2 months since I last wrote a letter. Just today, I got an idea that gives fresh appeal to emailing my future partner.

Although I could easily list 99 ways to upgrade my “responsible adult” status, there’s ONE thing I could change this year that I believe would make everything else easier…

My clothes.

A comfortable, sexy wardrobe for all occasions would be life-changing. I’ve always been “too lazy” to weed out the ill-fitting trousers, shop and try things on, and ultimately piece together a closet that makes me beam with pride. I’m ready to look my best now, for my future partner and for myself. Hair and makeup are included in this too. As a trans girl who hated having to wear boy clothes, I learned to feel helpless around my appearance. At 28 years old, it’s time to finally empower myself. We each deserve the gift of loving how we dress.

This clothing project alone cannot keep my whole room neat, nor do my taxes for me. Yet I predict it will grow my overall confidence. It will increase my desire to be seen. It will give me zest for life outside my head—the life I will someday share with a present-day partner.

For now, I’ll keep sending short-and-sweet email updates. I’ll explore a fun, creative relationship with my clothes until every day I’m dressing for joy. I’ll deepen my best friendships, reach out to people who fascinate me, and always give myself a good hug or massage when I need it.

Whoever you are, thank you for reading my words. I hope this story helps enrich your relationship with yourself and with those you’ll love.