Dating : How To Support Someone Who Is Struggling With Mental Health Problems

Someone I love very much is self-harming.

I feel like there is nothing I can do to help.

As a nurse, for the past 29 years, I have met thousands of patients with mental health problems, and I am extremely good at my job.

In private, it’s very is a different matter.

It breaks my heart to see a loved one struggling with symptoms of mental health problems, and It scares the living hell out of me.

Mostly because I have been here before, I have experienced mental health problems for the first 20 years of my life, and every time it has affected my thinking, mood, and behavior.

I feel the pain and the despair as it was my own. I know that this feeling of hopelessness presents an opportunity for growth, and at the same time, I am well aware that I cant speed up the process despite all my knowledge.

So I strap on my seatbelt and go along for the ride.

Most of the time, it feels like we’re getting nowhere, and sometimes it feels that we are finally moving, to find out that we are back where we started.

A part of me wants to rip off my seatbelt, open the door and jump out.

This is not your battle, the brain says, it’s dangerous; get out of here right now- you’re going to get hurt.

Calm down; The Heart whispers you are the right person, at the right moment, in the right place.

So I take a deep breath, face my own fears and insecurities, and pace myself like at the beginning of a marathon.

It’s almost impossible to meet someone who hasn’t struggled with mental health problems or has a least one family member or friend whos been through some rough times.

Mental health problems are very common.

1 in 4 people have experienced mental health problems(1)

How we experience the world is a direct result of our emotional, psychological, and social well-being.

We exist only in relation to others and our mental constructs of the world we live in.

Our Mental health affects how we think, feel, and act in all eras of our lives, and It determines how we handle stress, relate to others, and make choices.

Mental health is the most important factor at every stage of life to live a meaningful life.

Many factors contribute to mental health problems, including:

-Biological factors, such as or brain chemistry

-Our Life experiences, Trauma, prolonged stress, or abuse

-Family history

-Social Environment

The best thing we can do is accept that mental health problems are a part of life, And educate ourselves to provide for others.

I have compiled a list of things you can do to support someone struggling with mental health problems.

If you or someone you know is experiencing one or more of the following feelings or behaviors its an early warning sign of a problem:

• Eating or sleeping too much or too little
• Retreating from people and usual activities
• Experiencing low or no energy
• Feeling numb, like nothing matters
• Unexplained aches and pains
• Experiencing a feeling helpless or hopeless
• Smoking, drinking or using drugs more than usual
• Feeling confused, forgetful, on edge, angry, upset, worried, or scared
• Fighting with family and friends
• Experiencing mood swings that create problems in relationships
• Having a negative loop of thoughts and memories
• Thinking of-or harming yourself or others
• Inability to perform daily tasks

Once someone tells you about their mental health problems and how they feel are feeling.

Once someone tells you about their mental health problems and how they are feeling, it is possible that you will be sad or upset, and therefore crucial to take care of your reactions.

It’s okay to be scared, angry, sad, or annoyed by what you’re told, and your feelings are as valid as the one who is experiencing mental health problems, but displaying all of your reactions doesn’t help the situation.

If necessary, you can talk to someone else about how it felt for you to learn about your loved one’s struggles.

Often when confronted with mental health problems, we become insecure.

Maybe we are afraid to say or do the wrong thing or say too much and make things worse.

The most important thing you can do as a fellow human being is to be very clear and intentional when you show them that you care.

In any situation, when someone is suffering, feels anger, depressed, or feels hopeless presents an opportunity for growth for both of you.

I have been both the observer and the one being observed, and what I have learned is that:

There is an unfocused overreaction to a situation behind every uneasiness and a worried person with minor or significant mental health problems, a sense of worry or fear is present most of the time.

To be at service to others, you have to transform your fears and insecurities into competence, so you can put them to good use and start applying them in an empathic way.

Living close to someone who Experiences mental health problems can make us feel powerless. Our first reaction is that we must take action immediately, do something, and do more.

You can make us feel not good enough.

Because what do you do when your partner, children, siblings, or friend feel hopeless about life, that it will never feel good again?

As friends or relatives, we suffer when someone struggles with mental health problems, and our desires to make them feel better can cloud our judgment.

You might find yourself feeling frustrated, angry, depressed, or hopeless that the person who feels bad does not take care of themselves better or do things that outwardly could make him or her feel better.

When we see someone, we love struggling. We feel their pain. We like to help and perhaps give good advice and solutions to fix their problems while the struggling person only sees obstacles to how they should ever start to feel better.

It can be very frustrating to try to help someone with mental health problems. It is easy to get into conflict. We tend to try to solve and “fix,” and the other ends up in defense.

Many times our help can be perceived as a requirement. The person who is struggling Is already telling themselves the narrative;

“I should take care of myself or just feel better now, there’s no need to feel like this”.

I’m worthless! I can’t do anything right!

I have a good life, and I can’t even enjoy it. I have people who love me.

I should be ashamed of the Problems I am creating for my family.

Here are some things to keep in mind when living with someone who is struggling

It may sound strange that we should take care of ourselves when someone else is struggling, but it often helps the person more if you are stable and not judgmental, critical, or don’t let your fear take over.

You must provide an open and non-judgemental space with no distractions.

Turn of your phone and all digital devices. Be fully present.

Let them lead the conversation at their own pace.

Don’t stress or pressure them to tell you anything they aren’t ready to talk about.

Talking takes a lot of trust and courage, and not everyone has had formal training in sharing their feeling and emotions.

Try to hold back the advice and solutions and practice listening instead. It’s not always easy, but it’s possible to practice.

To be there in the moment, hold a hand or breathe deep breaths can often help those who feel bad more than “good advice.

Focus on a non-judgmental dialogue where you genuinely try to familiarize yourself with the other person’s experience.

How would you describe what you are experiencing right now?

What do you think would make you feel a little better right now?

“Do you want to hear what I’m thinking?”

“Do you want help from me”?

Focus on de-stressing or practicing self-care and asking if they find anything they are currently doing helpful.

What is working or have worked in the past?

Repeat the most important being said they have said back to them to ensure you have understood it.

You don’t have to agree with what they are saying, but you let them know you respect their feelings by showing you understand how they feel.

Ask for outside help if you suspect that the problem is severe or they are in immediate danger.

If you observe any injuries that need medical attention, take Immediate action to ensure their safety.

Most people can handle grief, crises, and losses, while depression and anxiety usually need help.

Taking the initiative to seek help when you feel you experience mental health issues can be complex, so you can help by making initial contact with the health care.

As a relative or a partner, it is easy to feel powerless in the face of your loved one’s suffering.

Remember, it’s not your job to develop solutions to your friend, family member, or partner’s problems.

“The one who has the best solution is the one who Experiences the problem”

The only thing you can do is to let them know and show them that you are there; listening and reflecting when they tell about how they experience their reality plays an important role.

You can help your loved one find professional help available.

You can encourage those who feel unwell to seek the help available.

However, the problem is outside of what you as a loved one can help with.

When a professional takes responsibility for treatment, you can regain more strength and provide better support for your loved ones or friend.

If you found this article helpful, please share it with others so we can help as many people as possible.

Keep creating yourself

// Carlos Vettorazzi