Dating : I Totally Missed Out on the Tinder Scene

I am admittedly from the old-school of thought and genuinely believe that dating should be a process of figuring out if the other person is right for you for the long-haul.

Yet, thanks to the convenience of dating apps, most people are never really looking for that long haul anymore.

Dating is just a game with the main goal of having fun.

How you define fun is a totally subjective opinion. It could mean anything from simply meeting new and different people with the convenience of a swipe, to simply looking for casual sex, and everything in between.

And so, I wouldn’t have gained much from the experience with the mindset of looking for “the one” via online dating apps. It’d be like getting into the shark tank with a fishing rod.

When you dive into a pool of single people with a very open mindset and also expecting the same from others, there’s not much room for emotional attachment early on in the game.

I am someone who gets easily emotionally attached. That can be a dangerous thing in the world of online dating.

Here you are, already head over heels for a person you just met, hoping they feel the same. Only to find out that they were just testing waters, and are ready to move on to the next before you know it.

There is a certain level of emotional detachment that you need to master before taking the plunge into online dating, or you’re in for a lot of heartbreak.

The thing with swiping right on Tinder is that it only really helps if the other person swipes right for you as well.

And the decision is completely based on the picture you have on your profile and the “description” you fill in. Not all of us are photogenic, nor experts at describing ourselves in a fixed, rather small, number of characters.

Yet, the rejection and the hit that it has on your ego is real. If you’re constantly swiping right in desperation for companionship, and you barely ever get any matches, you’re sure to start doubting yourself.

Each of us is way more than what a mere picture and a few words can say. But in the world of online dating, first impressions — that too virtual — hold extremely disproportionate importance.

In the conventional ways of dating, you usually meet a person via various means. Whether it is through common friends, dating a colleague at work, having a long-term friend who you eventually realize is something more than just a friend, or the more traditional approaching a stranger at a bar.

Each of these modes has one thing in common. You start from square one — get acquainted with a person with an open mind, try to see if you get along, and then think about going on an official date if everything fits.

If it doesn’t work, you end up being friends or choose to go your own different ways.

However, in the online dating world, the awkwardness and expectations right from the first meeting are far too tangible and almost uncomfortable. And then the further hassle of both of you being on the same page after the first date.

What if she doesn’t like me and I ask her out again?

Well, I didn’t think we clicked, but what if she is expecting me to call back? Would it be rude for me to not drop a courtesy message?

Well, I thought we had a moment there, but I am not sure if she felt the same.

Ah, the infinite stress of going over all the different scenarios.

This one is about the naturally hypocritical nature of the human mind. While it is OK for you to be on a dating app looking for love, if your potential partner has been doing the same for far too long, the trust becomes an issue.

What if she is still seeing others and I am only an option?

Has she been honest about all her past relationships? What if there were more?

Should I explicitly ask her if she’s still exploring others or she’s no longer using any of these apps?

Well, I’ve been busy so I’ve had to use apps to find a date. Why is she on here? Is something wrong that I don’t know of?

All these questions can often become a reason for not being able to trust the other person for a true long-term relationship.

OK — let’s say you found the perfect match, you’ve been on multiple dates and it has all been great. There is practically no reason to not continue with this one for the long-term.

Yet, there is still that temptation of “what if there’s someone better out there?”

Am I settling for someone a bit too soon? Shouldn’t I explore a bit more? I am only 27, what’s the hurry?

The luxury of having too many options often holds us back from committing to something that is probably perfect for us.

We end up moving on to the next option, and after going through 10 more we realize that the previous one was truly the best, and then it’s too late.

It is almost like going out to buy a couch — you find this one quite early in your search. It is just perfect and what you’ve always wanted, but it seems too good to be true. Maybe you need to explore more options — and there may be better ones out there. You go ahead look at other options, and by the time you realize that the first one was the best of all, it’s already gone!