Dating : Knowing yourself

First, people need to know themselves.

In modern day and age, we give out parts of ourselves like bread to the pigeons, to assimilate, congregate, to be a part of something larger than us. We give pieces of us to those who don’t deserve it, and we take pieces of others, often unintentionally. One of the most important gifts that anyone, any parent or sibling, can give to another, is to clearly reinforce the message that it’s OKAY to be who you are.

In fact, it’s essential, we live in a society that is so disjointed, that often, we simply carry on with what has been learned, instead of truly understanding ourselves and what we care about.

This is the process of individualization. I believe that this crucial piece of advice is misconstructed and misunderstood, and one reason for this is that we simply do not know ourselves.

What is it that we would like to do? What are our values and what do we hold important in our lives? How do you identify with yourself~ do you like it or not?

These types of questions further arise; the need for resources and exploration of the self that often doesn’t happen until, for example, an event or what is termed “a midlife crisis,” occurs, begging us to re-frame our minds and our values within an already shaped identity.

I believe that this is one of the reasons why “coming out” about one’s sexuality is such a frightening process. It comes with disturbance at all levels; and the individual is often left with shame, indignity and often, many simply do not speak out at all~ remaining silent to avoid this ‘discovery’ about themselves, fearing the consequences of the disturbing stigma that still surrounds LGBTQ communities.