Dating : Let’s Talk About Love Scams, Baby

The evolution of a Nigerian scam in the age of online dating

On Twitter today, I ran across yet another love scammer. I vet who I follow and who I let follow me very closely and if I find someone suspect, I check them out. Today’s suspect was using the photos from a legit soldier’s social media as his own and it was so easy to spot using a reverse lookup. I can’t abide scam artists, so I am very vocal in pointing out that they are fake when I encounter them and have been since I realized just how damaging they can be to the women they target.

Let me tell you a story.

Some time ago, I was Christmas shopping with a mother and daughter with whom I was acquainted. As we drove to the mall, the daughter was in the back seat having a lively conversation with a new love interest which I found nothing out of the ordinary about until we were parking the car and she told him bye and that she loved him.

It was at this point that I cast a glance toward her mother with a raised eyebrow, knowing that she had only recently called it quits with a long-term live-in beau. When we were alone, her mother told me that she had met Mr. Good Phone on an internet dating site called Plenty of Fish. He was an American marine engineer working off the coast of Africa and was coming to visit over the Christmas holidays. They had already bought gifts for him and his daughter, who would be coming with him.

Two weeks later and shortly before Christmas, I saw them again and asked when her new beau would be arriving. I got very sheepish looks from both of them and a loud sigh from the mother. They began to tell me their tale.

It turns out that the man had been sending money orders to the daughter and asking her to put them in her bank and send him back a cash wire transfer. He was mailing her $500 money orders from a legit source and she was sending him back about half of that.

He was being generous by letting her keep half because she was a single mother and he knew she could use the help. He just needed enough to get by until he got home and couldn’t cash them where he was. Since they were the only form of payment his boss offered, he was in a bit of a pickle for getting home to see his daughter in the states.

After a couple of weeks of depositing the money orders, the bank called to let her know that the funds put into her account were being withdrawn because the money orders had been altered. By this point, she had given him half of each one and spent some of the money on herself and sending him other gifts. She was substantially in the hole with the bank and subject to fraud charges if she didn’t correct her account immediately.

Luckily for her, she had parents willing to bail her out of the pickle. They got her account back in order, but she was still in jeopardy of the bank closing her account for fraudulent activity. The only way to prevent this was to file a police report in the matter to demonstrate that she had not committed an intentional crime. So, she did that.

For a while, and per the police’s instructions, she continued to string her scam lover along while police attempted to identify him, but the calls were coming from Nigeria and it was impossible. There was no hope of finding the person who had scammed her.

When she finally confronted him, he denied everything and cried that he was in such a mess and still needed her help. He claimed that he needed her to buy him a plane ticket and pay off the corrupt officials at the airport or they would deny him a flight home. If he could get home, he could prove to her that she was wrong about him and how much he cared about her and her daughter.

After hearing all of this, I had so many questions. I pointed out that it sounded like the Nigerian scam we used to get via email and before that, by post. I wasn’t wrong. It was just a new twist on an old game and it continues to happen to women around the world. Though this one originated in Nigeria, they are not the place from which these scams originate and it can be much less organized, perpetrated by a single person, whereas some of these scams are worked by a team of crooks.

Now, I’m sure you are like me and wonder how she could have been suckered so easily. I’ll tell you. It’s because she was targeted for being precisely the sort of woman she was. She was a single mother with limited finances and desperate for love. She wasn’t overly intelligent and thus, easily deceived. She was sweet and kind — the sort of person willing to believe a sob story and be willing to help.

But how did he get by without having an American accent? Wasn’t she actually speaking to him on the phone?

That was the one thing that baffled me most. I understood how he had suckered someone of her good nature, but how had he convinced her that he was an American contractor overseas? Do they all practice accents? Is there a designated person for phone calls — someone good at accents?

I asked the question and learned that he had been using voice relay like you would if you were deaf. He claimed that it was the only way to communicate from the ship. So, what she was actually listening to was not his voice, but an automated one repeating what he typed into a box. This is the reason you see so many of these types on social media or dating sites listed as overseas contractors or members of the military. It covers why they aren’t able to just pick up the phone and call you. So, they use voice relay, texts, or emails.

And he gave her the one thing she craved so much at that moment — love. She’d been treated poorly by her ex and needed someone to tell her all the things she longed to hear. He told her she was beautiful. He told her whatever bothered her would be okay. He told her he would come home and take care of her financially and demonstrated his willingness to do this with the money orders. He presented himself as a single father to her single mother — a potential ready-made family — and he did it fast, practiced in his art.

In her case, he (or let’s face it, she) walked away with more than a thousand dollars in cash (nearly 400,000 Nigerian Naira) that couldn’t be traced back to him. He even had the audacity to try to scam her further once he’d already done so and she knew it. It was brazen, but what did he have to lose? There was so little chance of him being traced and held responsible.

In all honesty, she got off light. Some women lose much more to these scams before they are uncovered and, by that time, they are ruined. The money orders used are purchased for small amounts and then altered to show larger amounts. The people who do this are very good at it. Banks are usually none the wiser until it is kicked back by the issuer.

Years ago, money orders were as good as cash. You could deposit them and the money was immediately available. Now, they are usually held as long or longer than a personal check. This is the reason why.

I tell you this story as a warning. Don’t be afraid to be nosey when meeting a new guy, whether online or in person. If something seems a bit off to you, it probably is. Ask questions. Check him out. If you see red flags — run! Always beware of a man who asks you for money in any form. It might just be the difference between getting scammed or far worse.