Dating : Modern Modesty: Do Women Gain More by Revealing Less? (Part 1)

Does being a modest woman in today’s day and age actually get you further in life?

I’m a twenty-seven year old woman who considers herself very open minded and I’ve been through a range of mindsets, belief systems and values since I came into womanhood in my late teens. I’ve witnessed the world change much in that time frame and observed social movements with a curious mind and questioning soul. Self reflection, discussion and real world experience have contributed greatly to this piece of writing and it’s my hope that someone gains at least a new perspective or has a tiny seed of wonder planted for them by these threads of words.

Modesty today is not an ‘on trend’ topic, but therein lies the magic to me. Let’s unpack the unfashionable to shed light on it and place into the spotlight what gets demonized by the majority. I see far too many people blindly going along with the narrative under the guise of ‘progressiveness’, ‘liberation’, ‘woke culture’ and, I’m going to say it…what I call ‘special snowflake identity politics’.

It’s 2021 and we’re living in an age of unraveled rules, ‘progressiveness’ (got the salt nearby?) and a time where the collective is challenging the culture and doctrines of our grandparents era. Women being modest will spark imagery of biblical purity, traditionalism, conservative culture, bible belt strictness, an adherence to rules and even oppression. Does it have to be that way? Not at all! Modesty is culturally subjective. In the middle east women’s modesty is defined by body coverings and face coverings such as the burqa and hijab, which to Western women often seem oppressive or extreme. Yet, of course modesty is both behaviour and appearance, values and tradition. It’s changeable throughout time and needs to be understood on a personal basis. As part of an individual moral code if you will.

We are sponges for cultural conditioning, especially in childhood and young adulthood, so I’ve taken on board many beliefs about women’s mystique, not revealing too much (remember the classic, ‘cleavage or legs out but never both’ rule of our grandmother’s era?), as well as the ‘less is more’ approach in talking, dating and revealing of personality. Modesty doesn’t just refer to a code of operation in the dating and romance realms either, it applies to all relationships, business liaising and general etiquette.

In terms of romantic dalliances, I am more siding to traditionalism now as I’ve explored the whole field of relating ‘trends’ and am a lot more conscious and self-governing than I used to be. When beginning any of my relationships with men that were long-term or serious, I went slow. I wore simple, classy clothing and didn’t opt to move things fast in the physical realm. For me, every time, this has allowed my personality to shine and not let self-consciousness and neurosis overtake. Without fail, it’s kept me grounded and anchored to my core essence which manifested in enjoying the process of getting to know the man in question, in a wholesome way and an authentic energy.

Grounded love- what a revelation! Enjoying the process and being present! As opposed to jumping into sleeping with someone on the first or second date and subsequently having standards slip or boundaries crossed and general awkwardness. Not to mention it’s an indisputable fact that everyone loves mystery.

Nowadays, the thought of casual sex repulses me. Energy sensitivity has peaked in this era and we all could do with some reminders that sex is sacred and whoever you let inside your body literally leaves their energy inside you. If they’re unconscious, haven’t healed their trauma or are simply a ‘dark person’ then BOOM. You will be affected by their aura and are going to need to cleanse and detox from it. For women, our womb-space is a literal pool, held between the peaks of our hips and our hips are the largest storehouse of emotions in our body. Being wise about who we share our sexual energy and beautiful flesh with isn’t ‘outdated’ or ‘conservative’ to me at all, it’s simply being wise and one of the highest acts of self love consciousness — particularly in an age of intense and saturated instant gratification. Sacred sex and conscious intimacy therefore has a greatly ENERGISING effect if you are healthily relating, in love, or at least care deeply for one another. If not, it’s depleting your life force energy. It’s demotivating, sets hormones ablaze (yes there’s no escaping biology!) and damaging your ability to be be vulnerable and let someone in down the track. Yes, unconscious relating, like porn, also damages our brains in regard to our nervous system’s wiring, emotional availability (or lack thereof) and attachment styles.

What is rare is highly valued. That has been witnessed throughout humanity and is ingrained into the human psyche. Always was, always will be. Refraining from ‘baring all’ (skin, emotions, and life story) it’s likely you’ll leave the other person wanting more, intrigued and hooked. This goes both ways and automatically leads to the other person fantasizing and increasing their interest in the object of their desire.

Human relating is just like storytelling. We love and need a beginning, a middle and an end. With details and a beautifully crafted story arc, emphasis on all the right points to create compelling crescendos will never fail to spark something magic between two people. It must be looked at and treated with conscious observance because it is a delicate balance of ingredients. The essence of modesty can be witnessed in Lao Tzu’s beautiful sentiment and apt wisdom:

‘Nature never hurries, yet everything is accomplished’.