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Dating : My time dating a porn producer; a lesson in open-mindedness.

h2>Dating : My time dating a porn producer; a lesson in open-mindedness.

Nina E
My head when I learned what the guy I was dating did for a living.

It was a typical Netflix-on-the-couch Sunday night when he casually told me he was a porn producer and continued scrolling through Netflix asking what I wanted to watch.

One of the first things you ask when dating someone new is what they do.

I own a media company.”

Oh, okay. I always thought that was vague, but it was enough of an answer for someone I just met — I assumed I would probe more later.

We steadily began to see each other more and more; dinner dates, hanging out on the weekends, nights in, more nights at his place than mine.

My roommate and I joked about the mysteries surrounding this guy, like why he had a second couch in his living room up against a wall facing nothing at all with a large light directly above it… Yes, we made countless casting couch jokes, sometimes even to him as he laughed it off.

When I asked about the couch, he simply said it was extra furniture he didn’t have room for. Enough of an answer, again. No further questions at this time your honor.

Fast forward to Netflix night. I laid there cuddling with this guy, but I couldn’t focus on what I wanted to watch with that couch looming in the corner staring at me. So, I approached strategically like the cautious cat I am.

I noticed a blanket on that couch and asked if I could use it because I was cold.

“You don’t want to use that blanket.”

“..why?”

“The models use it.”

“What ‘models’?”

“The models we film.”

Sir, WHAT?

“So you do make porn…?”

“Yup. So what do you want to watch?”

It was normal to him. But it was not normal to me. As a little girl you dream of dating a lawyer, or a doctor, or an engineer, or literally ANYTHING other than a porn producer.

In that moment, my mind flooded with a million thoughts. My first thought was, Jesus Christ why do I date the weirdest people, of all things a porn producer. Judgy judgy of me and probably judgy of you as well otherwise you probably wouldn’t be reading this.

I felt extremely uncomfortable. Let me list the questions I had and the ones you probably have too:

  • Who was this guy?
  • Why am I here?
  • Does he have sex with these girls?
  • Is he in the videos?
  • Is it filmed in his house?
  • How did he get into this and why?
  • Is he a huge creep?
  • Is this legal?
  • Do they have insane parties and orgies?

The reality of the answers to these questions was not nearly as insane as I made it up to be in my head. I was upset and extremely judgmental for someone who claims to be extremely open-minded with everything, especially sexuality. So, why was I reacting this way?

Uncertainty is one of the things that makes human beings the most uncomfortable and quite frankly scared — trust me, I have two degrees in this.

I did not understand any of this or what I had gotten myself into.

But in hindsight, I’m glad I found out a few weeks into hanging out with him, because not only is this not something you disclose on the first date for exactly the reason of how I reacted, but it would have sent me packing immediately.

Instead, I got to know him before I found out what he did which I came to learn did not define who he was. He was perfectly nice since the day I met him, extremely considerate, kind, genuine, honest, caring, charismatic, nothing bad.

He didn’t fit the image of the creepy, sweaty porn producer preying on people that comes to mind and maybe that’s exactly what bothered me about it; I didn’t see it coming because he didn’t seem like the type.

I started to like him, I enjoyed my time with him and this was a complete bombshell yes, but I was too attached already to get up and leave. So I stayed.

“Why does it matter what I do? Have I been anything but nice to you since we met?”

“…no..”

He was right. But, I had questions and I was still uncomfortable to the point where I didn’t even want him to touch me.

His demeanor was very odd to me in that moment. Here I was with a million questions freaking out and he looked completely unconcerned and calm; I expected him to scramble and try to explain what he did and why.

Now, I know that is exactly why he doesn’t disclose what he does to many people. Not because he is ashamed, but because of the same ridiculous reactions he’s dealt with from people before. Now, I get it. Then, not at all — I wanted answers damn it.

“It’s a business, nothing sketchy or creepy about it…It is completely legal…We usually film at other places, but sometimes it makes more sense to film here…I make a great living off it…It is completely voluntary who chooses to film…No, I don’t partake in it and never have…No, I have never slept with any of the girls…Our sites are mainly gay sites…”

He answered every question I threw his way without hesitation or scrambling.

“Its just a job, I’m not ashamed of what I do. Whether you accept it or not is your choice, I’ve accepted it.”

Love me a stern man who doesn’t crumble under my pressure.

“There are people with respectable jobs like lawyers and doctors who do awful things that I would never do, but what I do is always seen as worse. It doesn’t matter if I cured cancer, all people would want to know about is porn.”

I admire his choice of words and explanation, because it did make me understand and question why I wasn’t as open-minded as I praised myself to be.

I wasn’t thrilled or completely okay with it for a while. In fact, I asked him not to talk about it or tell me anything more than what I asked.

Slowly, over time I continued asking more and more questions as it gradually became more and more normal to me. It WAS just a business, I would see him wake up and check emails and stats just like any other business owner.

And after we got the technical questions out of the way, you KNOW I asked all the fun questions and stories and wow were they endless.

He shared stories of all the weird people who applied to be stars in his movies that had me shocked and laughing — everything from old Indian men to girls of fantasies of sleeping with pornstars, fascinating.

He shared hilarious stories of things that have gone wrong on set and with models who were often in their early 20’s trying to make a quick buck.

I’ll share this one story because it is my favorite to date, and we won’t use names so it doesn’t matter. He told me that most of people who star in these videos are first-timers and most of them are guys staring in guy-on-guy porn, most that are not gay, but are willing to be for some quick cash.

This takes some um… prepping, if you will. One of the prepping techniques, is butt plugs for these guys who don’t do normally do this.

While flying from a different state out to a shoot, one model had a butt plug in and was stopped at airport security when they noticed something inside his body — obviously a little questionable. You can’t mess with TSA so he confidentially explained that he was flying to shoot gay porn and had a butt-plug in to prepare. I was in tears laughing.

Other more scandalous details included the people signing up for these gay sites like famous CEO’s and priests using their church e-mails…don’t ask who because my lips are sealed and also I don’t know.

See, it’s not bad, just interesting and out of the ordinary.

To this day, he has still remained one of the nicest guys I have met. He isn’t old and creepy and sweaty, he’s just a nice Jewish boy who created a great business producing and running multiple successful pornographic sites, what’s wrong with that?

Meeting him and learning all of this made me reevaluate how open-minded I was and allowed me to become more open-minded. I have had extremely judgmental girlfriends who wouldn’t listen to a word I said about this guy because they refused to move past what he did like I’m sure many other people might if they knew. Unfortunate.

Today, I would without a doubt 100% defend him and what he does. I never thought I would have a first hand look into this world, but I’m glad I do because it is fascinating and hilarious, if anything.

So I encourage other people to be less judgmental about things like this; to listen and learn before passing judgment like I did, because most things are much worse in our minds than reality.

At the end of the day, this guy is just a business man making a living off of something everyone indulges in, and yes I mean everyone; as I always say, asking someone if they watch porn is really just asking if they are a liar or not.

What do you think?

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