Dating : Parting Thoughts

With only two days left in Malaysia my emotions are becoming intense.

I’m driving down roads that I won’t go down again. I’m doing things, eating food, that I won’t taste again.

I feel it as a tension in my upper chest. A slight selling of tears in the corner of my eyes.

With my wife and I it is a gentle sadness tempered by the knowledge that this has to be done, that it’s going to be tough, but we will survive.

It’s slow moments just holding each other. Savouring the moment. Pushing back the future.

With the children it is harder. Each is responding in their own way. They are sad and intensely aware of the pain of parting, transiently as they are then distracted again, before returning to the flame of parting.

There are a lot of moments of closeness. I really appreciate holding them, kissing them.

They come up in quite moments and say

I’m going to miss you Dad

I love you Dad

It’s so hard to explain why it’s necessary. Why I’m not going to be there.

It’s impossible really. How can I explain why I am not there. I’m a rock and the rock is leaving.

That’s a big pain for them and me.

And by and large I feel helpless. There’s nothing I can do about their pain except to hold them closer and make a promise to myself that I will make this journey a success.

Yet in many ways it’s bringing depth and closeness to my relationship with them. In the coming separation we realise how valuable our gift is. It becomes even more precious. That’s something great to realise.

How are they going to cope? Tears. Moments of sadness. And then after that how will we grow and make the parting a way to growth not a source of scars.

This too shall pass