Dating : Shouting in Silence (Short Story)

Do you see me, I mean really? I’m more than a broken little girl with a sad story, can’t you see that?

I’ve experienced things no child should, I have been broken in ways no one should be. I’ve been forced to grow up faster than anyone should.

I try to meet expectations, but it’s hard, especially when so many are sure you will fail anyway.

I am silent, but I shout in that silence, I speak in other ways, even if I do not speak at all.

I had my wings clipped and my song silenced, but I still try to fly. I am silent but in my dreams I always speak.

I’m a little girl, but not really, I had that taken from me too.

I fear fists, and belts, and boards but what I fear the most is the way a person can clip a child’s wings.

I am silent, as I am lead from place to place, with nothing really to call my own, but I have the stories in my head, the land of make believe, where I speak.

I had a doll once, even that was taken from me.

Now there’s a new family, they have kind eyes, and gentle voices, but I have learned people are not always as they seem.

I hear whispers, I know they are talking about me, the difficult child, who doesn’t speak, they think I can’t learn either, but from the time I was three I found freedom in books and words, they never hurt me.

I think I’ll like this couple, and there little girl, who can’t be more than three, but I can’t get my hopes up. I close up even more.

“We want her, we can give her what she needs, food, shelter, clothing and toys, but more importantly we can give her love.”

“She doesn’t speak.”

“Perhaps she just doesn’t have anything to say, or she’s found safety in silence, honestly I think she shouts in her silence.”

The lady the gentle lady, offers me her hand, and for once I don’t back away.

Something about her tells me she’s different.

It isn’t easy at first, it’s hard to trust when you have known a lifetime of torture and abuse, and you are only eight.

But the lady who tells me she’s my Mom, and the kindly man who says he is now my Dad, are patient, they don’t hurt me, but wince when short sleeve, show scars from cigarette burns, and fading bruises.

I am scared still, they get that, but gently they ease me out of my shell,

“You’re safe here, Sammie Lee.” She tells me, as she gently braids my hair.

I don’t want that name anymore, it takes me back to them, the parents who were supposed to love me and tried to kill me instead.

It takes me a long time, but words come out of my mouth, I am no longer afraid to speak.

“I’m not Sammie Lee anymore, they hurt me, I don’t want the name they give me.”

My new Mom and Dad smile gently.

“How about Hope Grace?” They smile. I like that they are giving me the choice.

“I like that.” I said, and I did Hope Grace suited me, they had given me Hope, and it was by Grace that they found me.

I slowly came out of my shell, and discovered what it was to be a child. I always loved playing with my new little sister Kimberly. They took me to church, and school, and told me I could be whatever I wanted to be, and for the first time in my life I knew what it was to really be loved, to be part of a family.

I was no longer the little girl who had to shout in silence, I had found my voice, and the courage to speak, and more importantly I had found the love of a family. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have to hide within myself, I could shine brighter than a million stars light up the sky.

I can be the person I am meant to be, not a broken, beat sown little girl, but one with a family that loves me.

I find myself smiling and laughing everyday now, knowing the meaning of happiness and joy is a gift.

The ones who abused me are locked away now, and that chapter has finally closed. I am Hope Grace Hana now, not a broken down little girl named Samantha Lee.

I buried that part of my childhood now, and have been given a new chance.

My new parents the ones who really love me, tell me I am a little girl, with an old soul, who understands things no child should, but I am no longer defined by scars and bruises, I am so much more.

“We love you Hope Grace, I hope you never doubt that.” Mom assured me.

I smile and say “I know.”

Not every little girl who has gone through the things I went through is as blessed as I am, but I wish they were.

I sit on the floor with Kimberly, Barbies everywhere, and it seems right. It feels good to be a little girl, they took that away from me, but my new parents they gave it back, a hundred fold.

(C) Michelle R Kidwell

10.15.2020