h2>Dating : Show your partner more appreciation
by: E.B. Johnson
Is your relationships feeling strained? Are you and your partner drifting apart? When we stop showing each other gratitude, it’s hard to stay connected with passion and respect. Appreciation is key in keeping our relationships around for the long-haul. Your partner needs to know that you’re grateful for them, and you need the same thing in return. The sooner you give that to each other, the better off you’ll both be.
Appreciation matters in a relationship. We don’t get a pass because we’ve been together a long time, or because we’re certain the other person just knows how much we want them in our lives. We’re all human and we’re all prone to insecurity and doubt. That’s where appreciation brings us back together. In moments of shadow, it’s the light that reaffirms our bond and commitment.
Creating openness
To appreciate your partner is to create openness in your relationship. The more you show your kinder side, you will encourage them to do the same. This creates a compassionate air in our partnerships and a mutual willingness to open ourselves up to deeper and more fulfilling possibilities.
Showing respect
Respect is pivotal in every relationship. We have to respect our partners, their beliefs, and their boundaries. Likewise, our partners have to give us that same respect. That’s where appreciation comes into play. Showing gratitude to your partner helps to communicate the respect you have for them.
Communicating desire
Did you know that gratitude is one of the best ways to communicate your desire for your partner? Not only does it help to spark that sexual attraction, but it also helps to show your partner that they are still special to you. It singles them out, and says, “I still choose you.”
Establishing trust
It’s easier to trust our partner when we feel their affection and attraction to us. We know that we’re special to them, and when we know that — it’s easier to open up. Establishing trust is one of the best side-effects of consciously establishing a higher level of appreciation in your intimate relationships.
Strengthening bonds
Appreciation does nothing if not to strengthen our bonds. We get closer to our partners when we consciously move closer to them. They also have to move toward you. Showing gratitude works like a relationship magnet. We are drawn to one another when actively display our desire and thankfulness for our relationship.
Does your partner know you appreciate them? Are you giving as much gratitude as you should? It’s important to be aware. Even when we think we’re giving it our all, we can find it’s not enough. If things have grown one-sided, or there’s a distance and lack of dialogue, then it could be time to admit that you’re not showing enough gratitude to one another.
One-sided effort
Happy relationships are happy because both partners are putting in the same amount of effort. Is that how your relationship works? Do you show your partner a lot of gratitude? Do they do the same? If your partner does all the emotional work and you don’t return that effort, it hurts. You need to show them affection and remind them they hold a special place in your life.
Complaint dumping
How do you and your partner communicate? Do you regularly have deep conversations in which you both are given room to talk about what’s going on in your life? Or have things become a bit more of an emotional dumping ground? If you dump a lot of the negativity in your life on your partner, but you don’t dump the same amount of joy — it’s a problem. You need to leave room for your partner to do the same.
Lack of dialogue
Communication is a must-have in every relationship. If you’ve stopped talking to each other about anything, then it’s a red flag that has to be addressed. It’s not uncommon to shut down when we’re feeling hurt or resentful. More often than not, when we scratch beneath the surface of this resentment, we find we don’t feel as though we’re being appreciated as partners.
Zero prioritization
Does your partner prioritize your needs alongside their own? Or are they always putting their needs over yours? There’re consequences for not mindfully making room for our partners to be themselves in the relationship. While our needs should always be a top priority, part of being in a relationship means holding that same space for the person we’ve invested in and appreciating them for it.
Emotional distancing
Has your partner started distancing themselves from you? Are they cold or avoidant? Are you emotionally drifting away from one another? This is a common side-effect of a relationship in which both partners have forgotten how to show one another that they care. It’s hard to drift when you know there’s someone at home who sees you and values you fully.
If you and your partner are struggling to communicate your appreciation, then there are steps you can take to turn things around. It can’t be a one-sided effort, though. Are both of you serious about improving your love? Then you have to switch to active listening and be mindful about the gratitude you’re showing.
1. Actively listen to them
It’s not enough to simply tell your partner that you appreciate them (though that is certainly a part of it). Genuine gratitude in intimate relationships requires a mix of both word and deed. You have to tell them that you’re grateful, and you have to show them too. A perfect way to demonstrate your appreciation comes down just to the art of listening. Get invested in your partner’s life and show them how you care by caring about their lives.
Learn how to actively listen to your partner, and encourage them to do the same. Get interested in their life. Any time they talk to you, pull out of your preset responses and really listen to what they’re saying. Think about it and engage with it. Ask them questions and reply appropriately to theirs.
When we listen actively, we learn more about our partner. Which, in turn, encourages us to appreciate them and all the unique things they bring to our relationships. More than that, though, it subtly shows how grateful we are to our partner. Listening actively says, “I value what you have to say and I want to help you with what’s going on in your life.” Being a supportive partner is always showing gratitude and listening is one of the best ways to do that.
2. Help without being asked
Again, on the side of action, we can demonstrate our appreciation for our partners by giving them support before they are forced to ask for it. It’s not always easy or possible to ask someone for their help. We get caught up in our feelings and caught up in all our responsibilities. We don’t always realize we’re having a hard time, but that’s where our partners can come in. Instead of waiting until you’re called on, step up to be the helpmeet that your partner needs.
Don’t wait for your partner to ask for help. If you see them struggling, then step up to the plate where you can. Offer to help them. Pick up the slack that you see them dropping. This doesn’t have to be a grandiose gesture. It can be as simple as doing their laundry or doing the dishes before bed.
Appreciation doesn’t always need to be vocalized. More often than not, it’s a matter of showing up for someone when they least expect it. That’s what excellent partners do. They value their partners and find them to be of high worth. For that reason, they’re happy to make space for them and their needs. The appreciative partner or spouse is one who doesn’t have to be begged. They know what they have and they want to hold on to it. That’s a matter of effort and they appreciate it.
3. Freely give compliments
Compliments are a powerful way in which to vocalize our gratitude. It gives our partners and spouses a boost of confidence, and it encourages them to be open and loving with us. How often do you compliment your partner? How often do you go out of your way to remind them that they are beautiful and special in your life? We can’t assume that our loved ones know these things. Mindfully and with good intention, we move toward better bonds when we remind one another why we’re there in the first place.
Freely give your partner compliments . Tell them that you appreciate them and why. Name all the things you love about them and don’t worry about cheesy or silly. The simplest way to communicate gratitude is to simply communicate it out loud.
When your partner does something great at work, tell them how proud you are of them. If they make you a nice dinner, or do their hair a nice way — compliment them. Why would you hold back on saying nice things to your partner? It builds them up, and when they feel confident and secure, they are able to give you the best parts of themselves. That all adds up to making you feel good. So, instead of holding to resentment and ego, say nice things to your partners and do it as often as possible.
4. Show spontaneous affection
Our bonds are cemented with affection, but so many couples lose sight of this affection as they get swamped by the demands of day-to-day life. When we’re not affectionate, we can forget why we’re together in the first place. Little-by-little you drift apart and allow that special spark to go out. It’s hard to keep things together then as the emotional distance between you dissolves into conflict and heartache. Don’t let this happen.
Show spontaneous affection for your partner. Don’t wait for them to make some enormous accomplishment. Don’t wait for them to give to you in return. Show your attraction to them often and with pride. It’s okay to go out on a limb and let your partner know that they’re special in your life.
Leave your partner little love notes. Hide them around the house and list all the little things you love about them. Surprise them with a delightful meal. Treat them to a night on the town. When you pass them in the hall, touch them on the waist or brush them on the shoulder. Show them that you can’t wait to get close to them. Tell them you’re lucky to have them in your life. In the romantic relationship, there must be romantic appreciation.
5. Improve the quality of their life
Being grateful for your partner and your relationship is as much of an inside job as an outside job. We have to continue to grow within our relationships. We have to confront our demons and find peace, so that our lives with our other halves are peaceful too. Improving our own lives is gratitude embodied. To enhance our own way of living is to say to our partners, “I want to have the best life because I am with you. I want you to have a good life with me.”
Improve the quality of your life to improve the quality of your partner’s life. Uplift yourself and your relationship. If you’re unhappy, shift your life so that you can be happy again. Don’t put the burden on your partner. When you work on your life, the quality of your relationship improved and so is the quality of your partner’s life.
Confront your mental health struggles. If there’s a lot of conflict going on, get serious about getting yourself to couples counseling. Actively doing the work to make life better for the both of you is (perhaps) the greatest way that we can prove to our partners that we really appreciate them and the life that we share with them. Half of the work with true love is an inside job. When you love and appreciate yourself with a fullness, that love and appreciation will spill over on to your partner and their life too.
There can be no denying the power of appreciation in creating better relationships. Our partners need to feel our gratitude, and we need to know when they’re grateful too. This strengthens our bonds and helps to establish trust and desire. Never assume your partner knows how grateful you are. Work mindfully to show them that you care about them, and that you care about all the value they bring to your partnership.
Create a habit of actively listening to one another. Don’t zone out. Engage in what the other person is saying. Ask questions and be curious about their lives. If you see them struggling, help without being asked. Look for opportunities to compliment them and thank them for the life and vitality they bring to your relationship. Avoid waiting for the perfect moment. Embrace spontaneity in reminding your partner that they’re special and you want them in your life. Look inward. What can you do to make yourself a happier person and a better partner? Work on yourself to create stronger bonds that stabilize and empower the life you’re building together.
