Dating : Stalking my destiny

Slowly though, he started taking more and more of my thoughts. By the time I discovered that we share the same bus route, I was absolutely consumed by this stranger. I didn’t know where he was from, what his age was, what he sounded like, what he was like, but it became an obsession. My 19 years old self was lonely and desperate for love. At this point in time, I was just returning to life after locking myself away for 2 years. I locked my soul away and hid behind desperate attempts at being normal. In the culture I belonged to, being uneducated and married at a young age is the norm and I tried to fulfil that role, oh god did I try. It took 2 years of absolute torment to accept that I am not normal and that a having a normal traditional life is the death of me. Returning to life meant breaking off my engagement and embracing my own freedom. The concept of freedom to me was the same to countries who became democratic after a long dictatorship. I replaced the dictatorship that was my culture with my naive understanding of freedom. I was the Stalin of my own revolution. It took me days and maybe weeks trying to pinpoint which stop he was getting on the bus from. I knew his stop was after me because I was the 2nd stop and the bus was usually empty when I got on. This little game made the 45-minute ride pass by faster. I tried everything to catch his attention. I tried to sit in front of him, I tried to sit behind him, and I tried to stand in front of him but never beside him. I talked on the phone loudly, I read a book, I listened to music and visited interesting websites in front of him as though he will notice what I am doing on my phone and know how much of a magically interesting person I am then of course fall deeply in love with me. Any dumb thing to catch his attention. I now know all I did was useless, now I know that I just looked like a random person doing perfectly normal things. Nothing attention grabbing about all the shit I did. I figured out, coincidently, that his first period was held in my second period class. Oh yeah, I didn’t have first period, I went early for him. Then I got an idea; why just go to school early to see him on the bus, I am going to go to his class, pretend I am doing my homework in an empty seat in the back while waiting for my class. I did that. I was there before the students of the darn class even showed up. I was earlier than the teacher of the darn class. That gave me more opportunity to see him and make him see me. Although, I was also telling myself that there is nothing for me to do with him anyway; I can’t date him and if I do it will have many limitations that people of other cultures just don’t put up with.