Dating : That First Date You Score After Your Divorce

And the first time you have sex with someone who’s not your spouse.

It’s exciting, I know.

After your marriage struggled for so long, with you and your spouse barely exchanging grunts and not even touching to hold hands, someone wants to get to know you better.

Someone wants to hear your thoughts, and potentially get romantic with you. They might want to kiss you and take you to bed.

Touch you all over.

The idea alone makes you all giddy.

You have scored a date. Your first since the divorce, and you’re not sure what to do with the tsunami of emotions washing over you. It’s been so long since you held someone’s interest like that, you don’t even know where to begin.

Begin by allowing yourself to feel good about it.

If you’re still cultivating any feelings of self-deprecation and doubt, stop right away.

“They’re just looking for a hookup,” or, “They heard I’m divorced and felt sorry for me,” are not thoughts you should be entertaining. They’re not helpful. Let them go.

Someone thinks you’re interesting enough to go out with. That’s it. Stick to that.

You don’t have to go all googly-eyed hopeful either.

Don’t start believing you’re suddenly saved from a life of singledom. Don’t create a narrative in your head in which you fall in love and live happily ever after. It’s just a date.

You’re there to get to know each other better, hopefully have a good time, and, if you feel like it and the mood is right, maybe make out and have sex. After all, it’s been a while.

Don’t let your mind make it into any more than it is.

Enjoy the high.

Having someone interested in you again after so long can be quite a high. It’s definitely one of the best self-esteem boots you can have after a divorce.

When was the last time you sat across the table from someone who not only asked you questions, but was interested in your answers? When was the last time you felt sexual tension in the air? When were you last touched? Kissed?

It’s been a while, and feeling all of that again can be more intoxicating than a glass of wine. Or two.

Careful not to get addicted. As with any high, it can get you hooked. Be mindful of that.

And then you have sex — there’s a tsunami of emotions for you.

You once thought no one else would ever touch you but your spouse, but here you are, getting to know someone new more than just at an intellectual level. And it feels amazing, even if the sex is bad.

It feels amazing, because it reminds you that divorce isn’t game over for romance, but the chance to live new experiences, to write a new chapter of your love life.

It feels amazing, because it reminds you that your body is yours to use it as you like.

It feels amazing, because it feels like you’re living. Just like you’re supposed to.

No, going out with someone shouldn’t be your number one goal after you get divorced. You don’t have to go around asking everyone you meet, nor do you have to say yes to the first invitation you receive.

But once you score that first post-divorce date — one you’re genuinely excited about — enjoy yourself.

You deserve it.