Dating : The Age of the Ghost

I was never one who necessarily enjoyed dating, but I will say I enjoyed going out and meeting new people, and when you’re young and in your 20’s all you had to do was step out of your front door for that to happen. I enjoyed casual encounters, maybe only seeing each other that one night and never speaking to one another again. Maybe we dated for a few months and then decided this just wasn’t it. Check the key phrase here, “decided this wasn’t it,” as in a choice that we both made AND discussed.

Slowly that became a thing of the past. You don’t like them anymore, ghost em. You don’t know how to communicate your feelings, eh ghost em. You made plans for a date but don’t feel like going anymore, definitely ghost them. WHAT IS THIS WORLD. Communication is quite literally the e a s i e s t thing you can do. With cell phones, you don’t even have to say it to someone’s face. (Also totally unacceptable, but it’s a start) It takes maybe 20 seconds to shoot someone a message saying I am not interested, but most choose to just drop it and forget about it.

I can’t say I have ever ghosted someone, but damn have I been ghosted. It reaches a point where it happens so often that basic communication becomes something that I think is the most amazing thing in the world, almost something to brag about. Typing this right now makes me laugh. I look forward to text messages because the bar has been pushed so low, but I don’t want it there. I know I am worth so much more. I want it raised. So what can I do?

First, I have to expect basic communication and if they cannot communicate their basic needs I exit stage left because I cannot imagine a life with someone who can’t let someone know what they need to be happy. You are your biggest advocate and don’t ever forget that.

Second, I have to stop thinking that something is wrong with me and that’s why I deserve this behavior. So what, I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but does that mean I deserve people to just spit out my tea with no explanation?? Essentially someone ghosting you is saving you from something that was not meant for you, but we are also human and sometimes that shit hurts.

Third, I don’t mind being a woman of standards and stay clear from people who tell me to lower them. There is a difference between having this ideal version of your perfect man and only allowing that to enter your life, and having a high set of standards that a person must pass to be allowed to share time with you. My time is precious, it’s something I lose every second, and it’s something I never want to waste.

Fourth, let Casper stay a movie, and don’t let him rule your dating life. All of this to say that you deserve the utmost happiness and that it is out there, and don’t give up because a few lame asses couldn’t see the gold in you. And all of this to convince me of the same things. It’s hard. It’s tough, but I know one day it will all be worth it. Just remember to practice what you preach, be the type of person you wish to attract, and leave the rest up to the universe.