Dating : The flipside of being single

So last week I declared the upsides of being single, yet today is about the flipside of being single for way too long. They’re not necessarily bad things, they’re more so things for me to be mindful about. Especially when I decide to venture back into the dating world, whenever that is. Definitely never thought of myself having singlehood red flags. For now I’m more than happy for my dating life to take a back seat, as I reflect on these interesting perspectives.

1. You become super picky who you share your TEA with.
Not tea as in the beverage, TEA as in:

Time
Energy
Attention

Alas I have no more TEA to give out anymore, cause it all goes to my friends these days! That and when you throw my health thing in the mix, I really don’t want to waste my TEA on someone who ain’t in it for the long run.

2. You literally have no idea if they’re being friendly or flirty, which is confusing AF

My default is to assume the guy is being friendly, like pretty much all the time given I’m romantically clueless. However at the times when I do call them on it, you know what I get? “Nah, nah I was just being friendly!” Next thing I know they go all weird and we never speak again.

While in the realm of my platonic guy friends, they’re also not immune to blurring the lines occasionally. My default response is, “Don’t do it. We’ve had this discussion before. We’re not going there, so don’t build me up and mess with my head.” And when else fails, I either ignore them or give them a sarcastic comment. Yet they stick around anyway cause that’s what good friends do.

3. You don’t subconsciously build space for other people in your life

I’m sorry I didn’t realise I needed to be a damsel in distress for a guy to show up in my life. Last I checked it wasn’t the 1950’s. Anyone who knows me really well, knows I’m more relentlessly stubborn than I actually appear. Which can either go down two ways. Either the guy goes, oh wow this is great — you’ve got your life together, this means I don’t have to do anything. Or I simply scare them off by refusing to downplay my intelligence to make them feel better.

4. You realise there are some downfalls being too independent

Yet… (quoted for emphasis)

Don’t mistake my competence for never needing to care about me.
Don’t mistake my independence for knowing everything.
Don’t mistake my fortress of solitude to mean I never let people in. I’m just waiting for you to prove reasons why I should.

5. You’re so done waiting for Romeo to show up

Romeo who? The other day I was venting to my church group friends about writing a Christian dating book. Simply because there’s not enough good ones out there. They’re usually not written by Millennials and fall on a one sided approach.

Yet I actually kept putting it off and moving the goal post of writing this book until I met a guy co-writer. Till last week I said, “I’ve had it! He’s clearly not coming anytime soon. I’m done waiting for him to show up. To heck with it, I’m going to embark on this 4 year thesis myself!” Chances are by the time I finish it, he’ll finally appear and I’ll just give him the encyclopedia manuscript to edit.

6. You’ve cultivated a lifetime of bad habits

Yeah I’m a mess. No seriously a mess. Especially when I’m really immersed in a writer deadline. Whether it be a blog post, story writing or vlog editing, there’s always common factor; eloquently described by my Typo stationery.

The Creative Process in three simple steps:
Step 1: Contemplation, of brand new ideas and stories.
Step 2: Chaos, is more like utter chaos with paper explosions, sticky notes all over my desk and tissues. So many tissues thanks to my hayfever allergies.
Step 3: Creative Genius, when the writing project is done!

Now given I’m a writer, you can imagine just how often the creative process has taken over my life.

7. You can’t help but analyse the true intentions of a person

You know the look that guys give you when they look like all their birthdays have arrived at once? Yeah that one. I’ve seen that look way too many times, to the point where it pretty much has lost all its meaning. So it simply can’t be helped when I’m eyeing you suspiciously. As time and time again, it never ends well when it begins with them giving me false confidence.

For all these reasons and more, I’m currently on a dating burnout if you haven’t guessed it by now. It’s not all bad though, Noah Kahan’s False confidence song is on repeat. The end of the song is so true, hoping to wake up young again and it will happen. Eventually.