Dating : The Golden GOOSE Ticket

h2>Dating : The Golden GOOSE Ticket

Halo Zamus

“Man, I feel like shit!” I am getting real sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Everyday waking up to pain and depression. I know I am only to blame but, I just can’t help it. Whenever I think about my life and where I’m at 35 living inside this dusty studio apartment, I just feel worthless. So I drink my pain away and drug myself, then again who doesn’t, this day in age. Man my head is killing me, what in the hell did I do last night? I remember partying like it was the end of the world but… “OH NO!” “Where is it?” I frantically check my pants, shirt, and coat. “No, no, no this cannot be FUCK!”

“Ay, Frank callate la boca, si? I am still sleeping over here,” said this mysterious woman who I just noticed on the other side of my bed. She looked Latin and had beautiful green eyes. “Huh, who are you,” I ask as if I didn’t already know. “Whachu mean who are you?” “You know what fuck you, pay me!” she yelled back. She had a thick accent. “Eahh I don’t have time for this, Cuca please tell me have you seen a ticket anywhere, please it is extremely important?” I asked
“Oh hell no, you asshole my name is Kelly who you calling Cuca, you hijo de……” she stopped then got up, grabbed her clothes, and slammed the door shattering my mirror. Yeah fuck you too another fix you’ll be back!” I say. Ok frank, ok, just relax and try to remember what happened. I sit down and begin to meditate in my dump of an apartment.

Let see it all began on my way to work I stopped at a grocery store, got chips and a lottery ticket. Yes, then I went to my friend tommy’s house to pick up my weekly zip. “Hey, Tommy how you doing brother, you got my shit?” I asked as I entered his loud house which was part greenhouse.

“Wah ghwaan, I got something better man,” he said. Tommy was your friendly neighborhood pot dealer. He is Jamaican and he’s not just an ordinary dealer he’s a real smart creative when it comes to creating genetically modified weed. “Tommy look I have to go to work, just give me the regular OG K,” I said.

“Na mon, I done it, I have perfected the banana Kush.” “No more paranoia or bad hallucinations, just pure ecstasy, it is beautiful mon, you give it try now,” he says enthusiastically.

“No, thank you brother, I’m sure it’s great and all, no doubt, but I have work in a couple minutes and I don’t think that would be smart,” I say. I was going to smoke before work regardless but ever since I tested his “new strain” last time I don’t really trust him. They tend to have weird side effects like drooling and seeing dragons. “No, offense mon but you work at burger king, you burger flipping bumbaclot, now take this free hit,” said Tommy.

“Alright fine, pass me that shit and for your information I very much enjoy flipping patties, asshole!” I take a hit off this crazy, swirly, neon colored bong. I start coughing my lungs up on the table and for a second I feel like passing out but try to remain cool. Immediately afterward I being to feel great joy coming out of my stomach, spreading up my spine and threw out my whole body. Oh ganja! this is the highest I have ever been, I begin seeing random signs floating around. Stop signs, hashtags, money signs, numbers, and all other kinds of weird symbols. “Wow this is great, really good shit, you fucking genius, you deserve a Nobel Prize for this,” I said crying my eyeballs out. Tommy looks at my grocery bag and says, “Hey what’s in the bag aye, you got any takis mon, I be working all night.”

“Yea for sure take these,” I throw him some generic takis called taquitos. Then I notice the lottery ticket I bought. “Win 3 million instantly” it said on the ticket. “Bumbaclot what the hell are taquitos Frank? Get the right shit next time!” Tommy says. I begin to scratch off all 5 items to casually find a money sign under all of them.

“Ha-ha hey Tommy I just won 3 million,” I say. He looks at me and says, “No way, good shit mon,” and we continue to finish up the banana Kush and the taquitos. We chill for what feels like hours watching the animal channel. I look at my watch, realize I’m late for work, jump up off the couch, and say goodbye to Tommy. “Yeah I got to go man, its time,” I tell him. Then we both look at each other for a good minute. In that moment time stopped and it struck me, what I had just won. “Hey wait,” I say quietly. “I JUST WON THE FUCKING LOTTERY, I WON!” I started jumping around Tommy’s apartment like a rabbit knocking down bongs, plants, picture of lamas, and elephant ornaments. “FRANK run home mon, run and don’t stop till you get there!” he says. “Thanks for everything Tommy I love you!” I said as I ran down the stairs. I then remembered I had work. “Dam I got work.” I start rushing towards burger king but then realize something. “Wait I’m actually in no hurry” I say and begin to chuckle.

I get to burger king 40 minutes late, smelling like bananas and dank, and my eyes redder than the devils. The manager sees me and begins to stomp towards me with the angriest look. “FRANK!” he hollers, but before I could let him talk I jump on top of the counter and yell “FUCK EVERYONE I QUIT!” Everyone goes quiet and stares at me as I awkwardly stand on the counter. I flip them off one last time before getting down and as I head out the door I pass by the manager; he’s scorching red, ready to burst and I give him a quick pat on his shiny blonde toupee. “See you later Donny,” I say.


As I am walking home I think about all the things I am going to buy. Let’s see I shall buy a mansion in Chicago and I’ll get a red Lamborghini, no fuck it I’ll get two, some nice foreign linens, a tiger as a pet, and oh yea a model for a girlfriend. Hell yeah I’m going to be partying with models all day. I call my friend Noel, “Yo, you trying to hit up Vanilla Unicorn right now I just came into some cash and I’m ready to get wasted, it’s on me.”

“Shit count me in, what about your girlfriend though?” said Noel. I think about my girlfriend Cersei for a moment. “Umm let me call you back I just remembered I got to do something, but I’ll hit you up later” I tell him and hang up. I dial up Cersei. “Hi hon.” she says.

“Hey honey bunches, how are you, listen I just called to let you know that I’m moving on, so yeah we’re done, bye.” I hang up on her before I can hear her weep. “She was a great person and all but I’m ready for super model chicks and she just doesn’t cut it,” I tell myself.

I remember next meeting up with Noel and going into the club to party. “YES!” I yell snapping out of my meditation. I remember now I put the ticket inside my boot so it wouldn’t get stolen. I rush toward my boot and there it was. I fell to the ground in relief. My head still felt like someone had hammered it but that didn’t matter I had my ticket. I look at it and begin to laugh but this was not a joyous laugh, no it was a, kill me now if what I’m looking at is true laugh. I notice the last sign on the ticket wasn’t a money sign it was an x sign. “Haaa! I’m still fucked up from yesterday I’m hallucinating.” I look at it again, wipe my eyes and look at it again, I put on sun glasses and look at it again. “No please don’t do this to me god PLEASE!” I start crying rolling around on the carpet. “NOOO! This isn’t the right ticket where’s my ticket!” I begin to rampage inside my apartment destroying everything, the TV, the table, the computer, I go out to the balcony and then I look down. In that moment I calm down and begin to feel peaceful, the city looked so beautiful.

“I wonder what flying feels like?”

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