Dating : The interview

Even in death, there’s time for a fresh start.

So, Mr…Reaper, tell me a little bit about your last job. I see that you’re moving on after doing it for quite some time.

Here’s the thing Chet, I hope it’s ok that I call you Chet. I’d love to tell you how excited I am for this incredible opportunity, but if I’m being 100% honest here, my last job REALLY sucked. I guess it just took me a while to realize it.

Chet is fine, and I appreciate your honesty. If you don’t me asking, What exactly “sucked” about your old job?

The job was just that Chet, “old.” Old as dirt, old as time. Also, the hours were absolutely terrible. I never had a day off, I mean never. No weekends, no vacations, nada. Crazy right? Secondly, have you ever told someone that you’ve come to take their soul? The bargaining, the anger, the crying, my god so much crying. I have to say, I’m just not good with emotions.

Hmm…I see. A career in life insurance sales is quite a 180 for you, isn’t it? I would never point fingers, but people aren’t exactly dying lately. I saw on the news this morning that a man jumped off the 14th story of a building, landed face first on the pavement and then just got up, not a scratch on him. Quite frankly, our business has seen better days. How can you help the team?

You know Chet, it’s a 180 for sure, but here’s the thing, I’m a go-getter and I’ve worked on a sales pitch like no other. I hate to brag, but when I knock on someone’s door and they see the black cloak, the shiny sickle, dark clouds, the ravens etcetera, I can be very convincing. Also, I’ve worked out a new pitch that goes with the rest of my schtick.

A pitch? Wow that’s great! I love your enthusiasm for this role. Is there any chance that you’d give me a little sneak peak?

Chet, I was hoping you’d asked. First, I take the hood off, like so. Scary right? I mean c’mon, I don’t even have skin or eye balls.

…yes…it is definitely quite a sight…

Then, I say:

“Hello ma’am and/or sir. How would you like to buy some life insurance today? If you don’t, I’ll collect your soul and subject you to an endless existence of blackness and despair alongside the billions of others I’ve collected since the dawn of time. What do you say? I’d love to show you some of our most popular payment plans.”

Wow. Mr. Reaper. Just wow. Very convincing. Listen, I have a few other interviews lined up after you but I think you’re just the guy we’re looking for. Congratulations, you’ve got the job! When would you like to start?

Just call me Grim, and I just did.