Dating : The Trials Of Online Dating…

So I’ve found that the older you get, the harder it is to meet people. I began realizing that in my late 20s. I am now pushing 40…

I got out of a long term relationship with someone in my late-mid 30s. We’re actually still friends to this day — kinda like Jerry and Elaine, except not as funny. And not as neurotic. This unfortunately becomes a problem, cuz apparently it’s impossible for a man and a woman to just be in a strictly plutonic relationship, especially if they were previously dating. The few women I met and started to date would go bat-shit crazy when they found out I am still friends with my ex. One even said how she would never stand for it, and that she is very jealous, and she has to be the only women in her man’s life. Yeah…

So between work, work, and more work, I really don’t have much time to go out. It don’t help that I live in a city filled with the world’s unfriendliest. It also don’t help that everyone is buried in their phone, tablet, or whatever gadget that preoccupies every waking minute of their lives. So close to a year ago a friend of mine recommended trying a dating site. Thanks for that…

Immediately I was getting messages from fake profiles. Not sure if they’re scammers, spammers, or straight up prostitutes, but I can assure you that they were not there to date. At least not legally. Some of the real ones would respond to me, but usually after their initial response that’s it. Then you get the ones who go back and forth and it never goes anywhere. Seriously, did they sign up to just be pen pals? Then you get ones who will go back and forth till you ask them out then suddenly they stop responding. Why? I’d rather they didn’t even respond in the first place then to waste my fucking time. The entire process is just absolutely exhausting as well. You go through dozens of profiles, trying to find something in their profile to message them about. Some of them give you nothing to even work with. And after a while it seems like you are just viewing the same profile over and over again. “I like the beach, blah blah blah red wine, love to travel, enjoy all kinds of activities blah blah enjoy spending time with family and friends, blah blah blah superhero movies blah blah cat lovers are nazis..” Not sure if it’s NYC or if there is just no more individuality in this world…

A few women did actually meet up for dates. One even a second date. Another even a short-lived “fling” or whatever it is they call it nowadays….

The first I would say was a good example of false advertising. Her pics were obviously not to date. She listed her body type as “about average”, and her pics did reflect that. One of here hobbies was “soul cycling” so I assumed she took care of herself. Though while we were messaging each other she did say she hasn’t “soul cycled” in a while. I should have seen that as a red flag…

We agreed to meet after work for sushi. And boy she sure put on weight since her pic. I understand everyone’s body is different, but c’mon! Seems just a bit dishonest, no? My preferences do state “slender”, and “athletic and toned”. “About average” is one thing, but overweight is another. However, we were having fun. At first. Then I can see her uneasiness over the fact that I am an Atheist, which is clearly stated on my profile. She mentioned she liked The Walking Dead, so I assumed she would like horror movies. I did not take into account that the series is nothing more than a drama with zombies. It turns out she is actually appalled by anyone who is a fan of horror movies, implying there must be something wrong with me like I’m a serial killer or something. Her logic is Zombi Drama is obviously something which cannot happen in real life, as slasher films are about situations which can. While there is truth to that, when you kill the slasher in real life, they really die. I really wish I said that but instead moved on to another subject. I walked her to the train station, texted her the next day to see how she was doing. She actually replied. But we left it at that…

The next one actually turned into 2 dates, but then we kinda just stopped messaging one another. She was born and raised in Shanghai, so we didn’t have much in common. She too falsely advertised, as her profile showed she was 37 (I think) but she was really 41. It wasn’t a deal breaker cuz she really looked great for her age. She also was separated, not legally, from her husband who was her green card sponsor. So probably better off not getting involved with that one…

Girl number three actually lived in my neighborhood. We decided to meet for coffee. She too liked to write about life experiences and such. She also didn’t drink which would have made her a good influence. I thought we really hit it off, and later on when I texted her to propose we get lunch next time, she agreed — only to ask if it’s ok if we can just be friends. I said of course we can, but from experience when a girl says that it’s her polite way of saying to fuck off. I never heard from her again, but did see her in passing months later. She was walking with some old guy, her father I guess, and engaged in conversation with him. I was going to say hello, but seems she didn’t notice me or was ignoring me on purpose. Either way no love lost with that one…

So the next one is the one which actually turned into something. It lasted a few weeks. We were pretty much fuck buddies, but without the buddy part. While this sounds like every guy’s dream, it really was more of a stress dream. She was pretty annoying, and emotionally draining to be around. She even broke down crying and getting all emotional one time. She was on the rag that time but still. She could have postponed that date till she was more emotionally stable. She lived in Queens, which was an absolute hike to get home from. She even admitted that there was no future for us. I just had to end that one…

The next and last one to meet in person to date was another classic case of false advertising. While she listed her body type as “full figured”, her pics revealed she had a real nice hour glass shape despite being a bit thick. We decided to meet for drinks after work to see if we click. Like the first one I met, she used a dated profile pic. Since that pic was taken, she went from hour glass to cartoon apple. It’s a shame, cuz we got along well, and she even liked horror movies. But, she was also divorced with a kid, and living with her ex-husband’s family at the time until she could find a place of her own. She also got pretty annoying at times — at one point it seemed she was about to break down in tears mid-conversation, and she was very indecisive and picky about finding a place to get drinks, and later on food. Every place I picked she would want to keep moving. Not even three days later she wanted to hang out again. Had to get out of that one too…

So am I nitpicking? Perhaps a bit. But I have preferences, and wish to find someone who meets my criteria and doesn’t lie about herself. And when it comes to nitpicking you women are far worse. I’ve come across articles on dating written by women where they complain about everything and anything from guys who write “u” instead of “you” — as if everyone spells out words in their entirety in texts and online — to not living in a “cool” enough neighborhood. But anyway, it’s my own fault. I listened to someone else rather than to follow my own instinct. I also got suckered into renewing my membership cuz they offered me to do so at half price. Well I still have close to three months left. This time I’ll make sure not to renew…