Dating : The truth behind loving someone

First of all, before I even start to write this, I want to clearly define and state out that this is my perception of reality and it can be totally different than yours!

I should probably point out that I am male and that this is related to the male to female type of intimate relationship.

As well I want to point out that even that I am 33 years old, I still have a long way to go in order to fully understand what love is. I do not believe such understanding will in fullest ever happen. I do not believe it is designed to be fully comprehended.

By saying that, try to read this story from a neutral standpoint. ESPECIALLY if you are going through your own growth right now.

Love is growth. It is not a growth towards another human being as much as it is a growth towards yourself. To allow yourself to love. To allow yourself to deeply care. To love yourself. To say f**k it and just go along with it. To ride the wave.

Loving someone will shake your core. Everything you love about yourself will come out. Everything you dislike about yourself will come out and it will take a lot of your own effort to overcome negativity within you. You are going to, especially if you are male try to run, try to escape, try to go into your own world. It may happen day one, it may happen day 365 or even later, eventually it will happen and there is nothing you can do about it. You can consider yourself as a unicorn otherwise.

What happens is the following. In the beginning, once you meet someone, you are getting attracted to both, that person and your vision about love. At the beginning (may depend), everything is full of roses and idealism that your past experiences, wishes, personality, and God knows what creates. Basically, you are blind. You are not just blind about other person but you are blind about yourself. With time, blindless will be removed. There will be things you do not like about yourself, then things you do not like about your loved one and then in the end not liking yourself because you don’t like something about your loved one (for me, latest was the hardest to overcome).

In the beginning, that is called “falling in love” and emotions are strong. There is a very good reason why it states falling in love. You have to fall. You have to shape your perception. Once you fall, you may start actually loving the person for who he or she is.

Most probably, there is no soul mate. The trick is, you choose who your soul mate to be is! That Hollywood shit with an excuse is here just to screw with your mind. You are building that connection not based on emotions but based on reality. It’s not given to you. Chance is given but that is all that you are going to get. What is exciting is that it should be like that! What is the point of love if you are not growing.

Do not get my context wrong. I am not preaching. I am with whole my heart sharing this for you, for myself and for anyone else that may one day need such advice.

By saying that, some of my realizations:

• Your better half is called with a reason. You suck! Deal with that! Get over with it.
• Listen to your partner and listen very carefully! Do not assume!
• Do not judge! I repeat, do not judge! Instead, try to understand as much as you can, even if it takes you months!
• The easiest way to learn is if your ego is down. Ego won’t let you see the bigger picture. Understand that ego is not something you want to give attention to.
• Understand that you have your own preferences. You can choose if you want to change them or not. Sometimes you lose a small portion of your preferences (not yourself) but you gain so much more!
• Your partner is not your psychiatrist. Deal with your problems yourself. Your partner is not a trash can of your negative emotions. Why? Very simple, you love that person. It will hurt you many times more if you start doing that. Additionally, that’s ego love. That’s not loving someone. You just have to accept that, choose to change that for sake of your own growth, your own good and that’s about it. Now, you can share, sometimes but know the time, place and reasons why. Before you are speaking with your partner about your issues, a suggestion is to understand them first. Rarely, people like negative people. Even you do not like people like that. It can be draining.
• Let your partner be at rest. Regardless of your partner wishes, it is your duty, your responsibility to be supportive, even if it is going against you. Instead of focusing on why is your partner doing that, focus on why are you like that. What is troubling you, what are your fears, deal with your fears and let them go, once for good. Do not look, and I repeat, do not look back.
• A good relationship takes time. It’s not a birth-given right to act however you want. You are going to change. Oh, you are… haha
• One of your responsibilities is to share, with care, with love, things you do not like about your partner. The same is not really hurting that person, or at least it should not be. It means you care. You see a pattern or some behavior your partner is doing wrong! Now the catch is, at the instant you share it, you should accept it and be good with it even if that person does not want to change it. Future may bring a change. Now, this is all acceptable in the context of the low to mid severity level.
• The best way is to be neutral about everything. That is when you start to truly live.
• Looks are for children! The heart is what matters.

It’s all worth it! 🙂 There is no greater feeling. Being grateful, being peaceful and loving someone is one of the greatest experiences you can give to yourself. Right person will cherish that and once all of your doubts are down, you are going to see that as a fact.

It will make your life vivid! You are going to truly enjoy and there is no doubt about it.

With love,