Dating : There’s No Such Thing As Mixed Signals In Relationships

Whether you’re looking for something casual or a committed relationship, inconsistency and mixed signals are always a warning sign.

I have been both the person that gives them as well as the person that receives them and for me, the real reasons behind mixed signals are quite clear:

• They’re not ready to be in a serious relationship;
• They’re confused about their feelings for you;
• They’re dealing with something personal;
• They’re not focused on just you.
• They don’t trust you.

Above all, people with this type of behavior are almost always trying to do one thing: avoiding intimacy at all costs. They may do it consciously or unconsciously, but they sabotage their relationships because they can’t stand the idea of opening up again.

“Mixed signals are negative signals in disguise.”

— Marni Feuerman

When I used to give off mixed signals, I was not aware that I was doing it, at least not in the beginning.

However, I knew my behavior perfectly matched my overall intentions: I wanted some kind of closeness, but I didn’t want a real, serious commitment. I was afraid of getting in a relationship again, as I associated relationships with pain, fear, and anxiety.

This is the thing: we’re talking about people who tend to have an avoidant attachment style. They carry a deep subconscious fear of love and intimacy.

Usually, avoidant individuals value their independence and self-sufficiency, because life has taught them that they can’t really rely on anyone else. So they put up these huge walls and push away anyone who tries to get too close.

They’re not ready for a serious relationship because they don’t want to be tied down, and detachment feels safer for them. They’re probably trying to deal with many unprocessed emotions from the past.

Here’s the biggest paradox: deep down, they want to love and feel loved.

Will they ever be ready? It’s impossible for you to know. But you can’t fix them or change them, no matter what you do.

People change when they’re ready, not when you want them to.