Dating : What I Learned Being Single for 30 Years

My heart is a soft thing. I have fiercely protected it my whole life, letting only a select few see how deep my feelings go. There were stretches when I was bogged down by self-doubt. I didn’t want to let anyone in. I actively had to choose to share my deeper self with others. It was an aching choice to open up on dates or with new friends or old ones. I didn’t let up. Somehow I knew if I stopped letting others in, my heart might never respond to love as it should.

Then I met my boyfriend. Our third date was difficult but sealed it for us. You see, on date number two, he shared the most. He laid out all of his red flags and intentions. For the first time in a long time, I froze. I liked him so much and wanted us to keep dating. Letting him see my hopes, my red flags, my complexities, and fears was terrifying.

I let him in on our third date. He had questions. Between walks and cafes and bars, we talked all day. It ended in the back of his car, making out like giddy high schoolers. He accepted me as I was. A year later, and it’s still hard to share things with him. It takes asking myself, “Is this something I want to tell him, or he should know.” The answer is always yes. His support and constant love make it a little easier.

Having this man in my life with his committed love helps me share my heart more. Perhaps if people saw more of our tears and joys, fears and sorrow — our humanity — they wouldn’t feel so alone. Loneliness and unresolved pain is often the driver of poor behavior in my experience.

My partner has helped me share more of myself with others. My years of singleness helped me grow and accept myself all on my own.