Dating : When there is no need to rush into relationships

You take time to really know someone so that you fall in love with a real folk and not the lie project.

“If you have a plan, a certain career you want to pursue, it is important to first PROTECT YOURSELF. By doing so, you protect your dreams and aspirations…being sensible about life choices is essential…I would say achieve your dreams first. Protect yourself until you are in a place where you feel ready to start a family. Trust that there is time for everything.” — @kemi kalikawe

You are sipping a cold-served juice on a cool Saturday afternoon, wondering about one of the irritating issues that you have witnessed and read on the newspapers. Relationships are becoming gnarly!

According to Freddy Macha’s article, a writer and musician based in London, between late August and early September last year, major newspapers in the UK brought to surface a subject of gender relationships. At first, professional women in their middle years (40–60) could not find ideal males — that suitable men are not just available. Women complained about the scarcity of good males, making it as though 99 per cent of men are worthless and that those who tick the box are already taken, that is, married or in stable relationships. They all lamented on the hunger for good men.

Macha goes on further to mention that, another article in one of the UK newspapers responded by interviewing several men, equally elite, similarly in that 40–60 year framework and all alleged that it is difficult to find good women. It is equally the same problem. Women are also hard to find.

As an inquisitive teenager, you ask views and opinions from your peers on the subject of relationships. The case is the same. Boys lament on the hunger for good girls — that suitable single girls to relate with are hard to find these days. Mdufu, a fellow of yours for instance, says, “It is really hard to find a good woman these days. They are not datable…most of them are after men’s heavy poaches.”

Girls alike mentioned that men of these days are worthless, good for nothing-imprudent loafers! Candy, a good friend of yours says, “…my dear, I’m tired of relationships. Men are worthless; they cannot be trusted. They hurt you today; you forgive them, second time, third time, and fourth time; until you become a slave of love.” Each gender seems to accuse each other, and end up either looking for ways to relate with a couple of lovers at the same time or calling it a quit on relationships.

You come to realize that, many lies and faking has dominated in relationships. You deeply fall in love with someone, you catch feelings, and it feels so romantic like a starry-eyed, you date someone for months or years, you end up getting intimate and in a close relationship or married; and only THEN you start to see who they really are.

When you date someone, you catch feelings, everything is perfect and bliss like the honeymoon phase of a relationship. They project their best sides as you date because they want something out of it but in the real sense, that is not who they really are. It is an era of stunning fake relationships.

You also find out that dating and relationships are getting even more complicated as time goes by with modern ways of doing things.

Social media has massively changed how we date and relate; and it has just become ludicrous! People are dating and put on a show for likes, re-tweets and comments which is just ludicrous.

People look at Facebook and Instagram as ‘people menu’ instead of a means to keep contact. Moreover, people cheat and relationships break down.

It does not end there! The list goes on. Online petty arguments and unnecessary narcissism through comments and opinions are reported to cause untold psychological and physiological hurt. Some people are said to even go the extra mile by committing suicide due to the trolls on the net.

What a tragic!

Ojwok, your talented and close fellow advices you to lower your standards — some high, unrealistic expectations and instead understand your own limitations so that you will automatically find the person whom you will make as “the right person” for you.

On the bottom line of it all, you admit that we all want to be in intimacy with someone who compliments our personalities. That being the case, you come into a conclusion that there is no need to rush into relationships.

You take time to really know someone so that you fall in love with a real folk and not the lie project. You get on with someone who works hard, who has values you admire, who is mature, and knows how to get on in life. Someone who is willing to talk about life goals with you; doesn’t judge you, doesn’t keep secrets from you, who wants the two of you to be good at each other and who generally finds a solution if there is a fight between the two of you.

Otherwise, as how Peter Muthamia puts it, you may become an expert in the ‘trial and error’ relationships. Kissing everything in skirts including proverbial cobras, skunks, goats and other animals or kissing everything in trousers including toads, salamanders, chameleons, snakes, geckos, armadillos and other unknown reptiles.