Dating : Why Did I Stay in an Undesirable Relationship So Long?

Psychology helps me find answers to this elusive question

After hearing the disturbing nailing noise upstairs for the third time, I struggled to grab my phone without my eyes completely open. But, one glimpse of a strange and familiar name that appeared on my phone waked me up immediately.

Let’s just call him Neil, although I used to call his Chinese name. “Happy birthday”, he sent the message at the right 12 am based on the time stamp, when I’d been sleeping. This was the first time he contacted me since I broke up with my ex. Although I witnessed how Neil met and fell in love with his girlfriend Anna (now wife) and eventually became friends with both of them, I had to accept the fact that my ex was the one introduced us to know one another and initiated the friendship; as a result, ending the relationship with my ex put our friendship in a quite weird position where our once amusing conversations had to be simplified to a polite “how’re you doing”

After four years, we all stepped into marriage, it is time for us to catch up with our old friends’ lives. On the afternoon of my birthday, a virtual Facetime party was launched, and this time, there weren’t those so-called sensitive topics any more. Anna mentioned my ex first. Yes, it was inevitable and not necessary to avoid. Anna said she and Neil used to think my ex and I would get married because we’d been together for so many years. I replied actually I or my instinct always knew our relationship was going nowhere. Then, the couple asked me, then why? Why did you stay in the relationship so long? They were thoughtful to shift the topic when perceiving the bewildment on my face.

But why on earth did I stay in an undesirable relationship so long? Cuddling on my soft couch, holding a fragrant coffee my lovely husband made for me, and still being immersed in the pleasure of talking with old friends, I found my heart was ready to find answers to this elusive question that I used to ask myself frequently but unconsciously rejected to seek answers.