How do I get my ex to be afraid of losing me?
This is a somewhat surprising question that I propose to answer today.
It emanates from a reader. Why astonishing? Because the key principles of regaining love are based above all on honesty.
There was never any question of lying or manipulation.
Because if you are not true, if you do not pursue your goal with conviction, motivation and determination, you will simply never achieve it.
The fact of wanting to get your ex back is not a phenomenon that takes root in a desire to hurt or force the other.
Far from there. This is also why it concerns you in priority. And that it excludes, to a certain point, your ex. But let’s try to go a little further …
Challenging desirability
Getting into Radio Silence is not a game. It is a necessity.
To give yourself space. Time. To reorganize a life shattered by a decision that does not suit us.
Rebuilding a rewarding routine is not easy.
And the contact with his ex is a link with this painful past which prevents us from moving forward.
Mourning for the relationship is an obligation. If you don’t understand that your story is over, you’ll be nostalgic for your whole life.
The decision to cut ties is also a mark of respect. Your ex chose to break up.
So you respect this decision and let him continue his life without bothering him.
And this is where a natural paradox occurs.
When we break up with someone, we establish a certain bond of domination with this person.
This is involuntary and unconscious, but the decision maker cannot help but think that he is the one who “wins” out of the exchange.
He therefore expects the person left behind to try to come back to him for an explanation and to change his mind.
This happens in most cases. And that can cause conflict.
On the other hand, this lack of demand is surprising.
The fact that your ex is leaving you and you seem not to be digging into it pushes him / her to ask questions.
There is no question of lying about your feelings.
It is the perception of your ex that is “wrong”, even though you are really only trying to regain control of your emotions.
By showing that you don’t want to know more about your ex, you are going against their expectations. Which naturally gives rise to doubt.
Personal reconstruction as a new living environment
In many publications on the site, we address the theme of work on yourself, renewal, change to boost in your life.
Again, the idea here is not to build yourself a character to get your ex back.
The idea is really to become a better version of yourself.
After the breakup, you have two distinct choices: stay on your couch crying and complaining, or take matters into your own hands and take action to change your life.
This is the second option that we recommend.
And that means you are going to have to improve yourself and find new sources of satisfaction.
Not to please your ex. But to regain your self-confidence. To rebuild a rewarding and satisfying daily life.
To heal the wounds that would leave a bitter taste if your relationship were to rebuild while the pain is still sharp.
Before you can get your ex back, you simply have to learn to do without him / her.
Your ex will be afraid of losing you the exact moment he / she sees that you change, that you evolve, and that you benefit from the breakup.
Probably more than him / her. Or at least much more than he / she thought possible.
In order for your ex to be afraid of losing you, he / she must first build a new outlook on you.
Perceive yourself as desirable. And that won’t happen if you don’t make a real effort to actually become that kind of person.
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