How to recognize toxic people ?
Work, love, friendship, family… Toxic people are everywhere! Better to flee them so as not to leave feathers there. You still have to know that you are in a toxic relationship. Christophe Médici, psychosociologist, explains how to identify a toxic person and how to get rid of them.
Knowing how to recognize a toxic person
“The word toxic comes from the Latin ‘toxicum’ which means ‘poison’. Toxic people are quite simply people who poison our lives!”, Summarizes Christophe Médici. The toxic person can be a spouse, co-worker, friend, family member, or virtual interlocutor.
Several signs show that we are in the presence of a toxic person:
- We feel uncomfortable when she is there. “Its presence causes stress, tension”, Indicates the psychosociologist.
- We feel alienated. “When the toxic person is there, we cannot say or do what we want because we apprehend his criticism or his disparagement”.
- We feel emptied. “Toxic people pump all the energy out of their victim (s)”.
Contrary to what you might think, toxic people don’t know they are toxic and they aren’t toxic to everyone around them. Also, there are different degrees of toxicity, more or less dangerous for the people who are victims. It goes from the manipulator to the narcissistic pervert, including the egocentric. Toxicity results in manipulation, guilt, physical and / or psychological violence, jealousy, criticism, control or even intolerance. In short, all the obstacles to a healthy relationship because toxic people do not want us well.
Their “prey” are often people who have low self-esteem. “They don’t love each other enough to know what they need and what they don’t need. As a result, they don’t even realize that they deserve healthier relationships. Someone who stays in a toxic relationship is bound to be in denial because their feelings for the toxic person take over.”, Insists the specialist.
What to do with a toxic person?
People in toxic relationships must put in place several defense mechanisms to be able to get out:
- Awareness. That is to say, being aware that you are in a toxic relationship, which is not always easy for victims. “It consists of asking yourself why you are doing badly. You end up putting your finger on the root of the problem: the relationship you have with a toxic person. We then take stock of this relationship, what it has brought us or not in our life”, Explains Christophe Médici.
- Boost your self-esteem. Learning to love yourself is not easy and often requires the help of someone (therapist, life coach, etc.). Toxic people always preying on the most vulnerable. Better to have confidence in yourself to spot them and flee them. “People who are unconfident are more likely to fall into toxic relationships”, Points out the psychosociologist.
- Do not isolate yourself. Toxic relationships tend to isolate us from others. But it is not wise to isolate yourself because the more you isolate yourself, the more you lock yourself in the relationship and this prevents us from taking a step back and thinking about its possible toxicity.
- Go to something new. Discovering new worlds, new activities, new people with whom to forge healthy bonds, can open our eyes to the toxic person we are dating and make us realize that they do not make us happy. “It is the mirror effect. By comparing, we see that we can have much better than what we have, from a relational point of view”.
- Reprogram yourself to change your beliefs about your relationship expectations. We have been taught since childhood to satisfy others, not to make waves, to fit into the mold. But we were never taught to love ourselves and express our needs. This is the key to living happily and not getting in the way of toxic people. “To do this, it is necessary to ask yourself a certain number of questions: ‘What do I want?’, ‘What makes me feel good?’. Knowing your needs and expressing them without fear is the best way to deal with a toxic person.”, Points out the specialist.
This is called the circle of imposed relations. When the toxic person is a relative or a spouse, you have to distinguish between the feelings you have for that person and the relationship you have with them. If we put feelings first, we can’t let go of the toxic relationship. “Even if that person is a parent or sibling, your toxic relationship with them must not continue at the risk of destroying you. The decision is not easy to make but it is sometimes necessary to move away from this person to get better”, Warns Christophe Médici.
When the toxic person is a colleague with whom you have to collaborate on a daily basis, it is essential to protect yourself by putting in place relational tools. “At work, you have to be firm with toxic people and make them understand that the relationship must remain strictly professional. Putting emotional distance between this colleague and you is the best way not to be overwhelmed by his toxicity ”, advises the life coach. « Toxic people are the cause of suffering at work, and therefore, of burnout, which is fast becoming the evil of the century« , he is alarmed.
Toxic relationship: health in danger!
Being around a toxic person in a lasting way is not without risk for physical and mental health, in particular because of the stress that this causes. Indeed, the psychological impact of stress depends on the duration of the stress. When stress becomes chronic, it leads to a state of exhaustion which increases the risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, stomach ulcers, lowered defenses. immune … But that’s not all, from a psychological point of view, chronic stress has a negative effect on emotional, behavioral and cognition states. This leads to depression, constant aggression, emotional fatigue, difficulty concentrating, memory impairment, anxiety, hyperemotivity, and sleep disturbances.
You will understand, to preserve your health and your well-being, stay away from toxic people!
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