POF : Looking for the female version of me.
First of all, it’s degrading and embarrassing to be posting on this reddit, but I’d just like to give this a try.
Secondly, if you just clicked on this, or read this over and think, ‘oh I might be what he’s looking for’ then don’t bother. I’m looking for a girl who is sure that they share the same qualities that are below.
Thirdly, if this doesn’t concern you at all, just ignore this and move on.
And fourthly, reddit is surely saturated with pedophiles, catfishes, and the like, just looking for little boys like me, so I’ll be treading carefully.
Also, I’m 15. Don’t bother telling me I’m too young to be worried about dating, because I’m not looking to date. I’m looking to find a pillow that I can relate with.
Alright, I’ll list some things about me that will narrow down the search, if these things also describe you, then you’re what I’m looking for:
-I don’t have even a single friend, and if you do, then you aren’t what I’m looking for. I’ve reached the point where I am the most important person in my life, I’m pretty much in love with myself, and no other human being other than myself interests me anymore.
-Sleeping is one of the most important and enjoyable parts of my life.
-Chocolate milk is by far the best beverage.
-I always have a tired looking expression, and almost always speak in monotone.
-Anything my peers do, and modern culture in general, doesn’t interest me. Drugs, alcohol, parties, underage sex, memes, celebrities, small talk, drama. It’s all disgusting.
-Teenage cliches are for those who wish to live out their youth in the tried and tested way. Those cliches don’t interest me and I have decided to live as an introvert to avoid social situations. They’re annoying.
-Brown hair is the way to go (just like me), and you can’t have below average looks. If I’m going to be selfish, which I am, I’d say that long (preferably wavy) hair would be my ideal. I can say with full confidence that although I look tired and depressed almost all the time, I’m still fairly cute. My sleepy demeanor adds charm I suppose? Or maybe that’s just my arrogance talking…
-Weight is also an issue. If you’re like me you definitely aren’t fat. I have a slim, frail looking build with pretty much no upper body strength to speak of. I also don’t eat a whole lot, and have idiopathic hypersomnia because of it, meaning I’m always tired. But although I’m a weed, it’s all proportionate, so I’d say I look good enough to be a functioning hug pillow.
-To be similar to me you must be experiencing the same kind of cripplingly stubborn independence as I am, and by this I mean although I am happy living by myself, I still fear never finding someone like me.
-I’ve lived a solitary school life, hating my peers for their immaturity (please sue me for sounding like an old man),
and spending lunchtimes and break times by myself in an empty stairwell. I get a lot of time to think during my alone time (and most of my time is alone time), so I’m sure that mentally I’m older than all my peers.
-Last few points. Your family, house, wealth etc. I could care less about. I only really care about how similar you are to me, and your appearance.
-You’ll generally see me wearing one of my many baggy purple ‘duvet’ hoodies. Short sleeves, slim fit clothes (other than skinny jeans, I wear those) and clothes that expose skin are horrible, uncomfortable and difficult to sleep in.
-I’m cynical, paranoid and pessimistic. I’m generally a coward which is due to my higher than healthy self preservation instincts. You could sum me up by calling me pathetic, and that’s how I like myself.
-And a minor point, all I do aside from school is hole myself up in my room and study, do graphic design and play PC. If you have any of these things in common with me, that’s a bonus.
Right, so if I forgot anything I’ll just edit the post. If you read through all this and am just glad that you found the male version of you that you’ve been looking for, that’s good, because I’m probably glad too. Just thought I’d start my search early, as I’m fairly picky, so finding the ideal pillow is hard. By the way, romance is just an over appreciated cliche that compels people to bang and make babies. I on the other hand would like to use you as a pillow, and I’m sure you’d love to use me as one as well. Just thought I’d make this post as a fail-safe of sorts.
I’m sure that destiny and fabled meetings don’t exist. Those ideals are for feeble minded people. What I do believe in is solid probability, the probability that out of the millions born everyday, at least one person around my age shares my thoughts and mindset.
Comment below if, and only if, you think you’ve just found your ideal you (???) And we’ll arrange some sort of safe communication that doesn’t include personal details, getting catfished, or raped by a reddit pedophile.
This has been embarrassing, but it had to be done.
Oh. And now my fingers hurt (T_T)