Understanding men at the start of a relationship
I do not understand anything anymore ! Some benchmarks to better understand men
That’s it, you have met a man you like, and now you want to move forward in the meeting. Many of you contact me saying: “Help! Everything was going really well, and now that we exchange regularly, that he was going to introduce people to me, he is stepping back! What’s going on, help me understand men! ”
Therefore, I decided to give you a little reminder of the key points that differentiate us from men and that it is absolutely necessary to understand so that a man can want to engage with you …
1) The difference between need and want
If you need a man with whom you are having a relationship, then you are emotionally dependent. In this case, it is not lost but there are tracks to act, starting by working on yourself.
But being in emotional dependence from the start of a meeting, which is not yet a relationship, is necessarily an unsuccessful thing.
From today, you must therefore learn to control yourself. You mustn’t need anymore, but you must have WANT. And it’s essential if you want to finally move a relationship forward.
2) Let it come
For there to be action, there must be possibility.
So learn to leave the possibility of initiatives.
Let me explain: instead of running behind a man, courting him, sending him messages, …: LET HIM do it and CONQUER YOU!
3) “To be” and not “to give”
We don’t buy people, and even less love!
If you want to stand out from the crowd, be different and unique, above all, start by stopping the gifts, the attentions, the multiplication of demonstrations.
Certainly, I am not telling you to remain totally indifferent or never to think of the other.
But you have to understand men: the more you do, the more it will be drowned under the mass.
Gifts let man appreciate you for who you are, let him get used to looking for your qualities.
It is there that he will see that you are truly exceptional, and that he can finally fall in love with you.
4) Let the man be one
It may seem obvious to you what I am writing to you. And yet, you hardly ever do! Move on man be one, and not ask him to act or feel like a woman.
When a woman is attracted to a man, she immediately projects herself. Suddenly, she gives instead of letting the man challenge her.
But what a man likes, precisely, is the opposite: it is to challenge a woman.
He must feel that you are not acquired, otherwise conquering you will no longer be of great interest to him.
So learn to let him move on and make sure he doesn’t take you for granted or “won”!
5) It’s summer (and if it’s not anymore, pretend…): put sunglasses on your feelings!
Don’t talk about love or commitment!
Stop putting pressure on him and making him ask thousands of questions, pushing him to think about your situation, the advantages, disadvantages, joys but also possible and various problems!
As the saying goes: “when you want, you can!”
But do we really want to make an effort for someone we do not yet know well and who scares us and ask ourselves multiple questions?
Let it happen, let it move forward, do not force anything, if it has to come (within a reasonable time of course!), It will come (or not, and in this case move on and do not stay on hold, you deserve better)!
In addition, talking about commitment necessarily implies that you are on hold. So you are no longer to challenge since you are acquired. So we come back to point 4!
So we no longer talk about love, and we try to slow down before falling in love (and at worst, if we failed, we say nothing!): WE HAVE AFFECTION.
6) In the same idea: like to “play”
Of course, I’m not telling you to play with each other’s feelings. But to play with him, let him become your partner on the playing field.
In fact, if it’s won in advance, and a man knows it, it won’t make him want to play the game at all.
Of course, there is the pleasure and the pride of winning. But when you haven’t risked much, the challenge is less intense and the desire less.
It’s like in a game of poker: a man invests much more if he puts more on the table. If he only plays pennies or a few euros, it doesn’t matter whether he wins or gives up to go and start another game elsewhere.
In a meeting and then a relationship, it’s exactly the same thing. To want to get involved, the man must always ask himself questions and challenge himself to seduce you and “win”.
For example, he must ask himself what shirt to wear, what thing to do to seduce.
In short: he should never understand, at least in the beginning of the relationship, that it is acquired. There are simple and subtle sentences to make him hear for that, and which you can share between yourselves on the private group “A coffee with Laura” (in which I do not put my two cents) …
7) Stop the incessant, intrusive SMS which even involuntarily mark a request!
From today, change your way of acting if you have seen that with this man, it does not work! Remember, man must be able to conquer you!
So, we do not send the 1st message, and we avoid doing so as much as possible.
Also avoid hollow, “irrelevant” messages, “good day” / “good night” messages, those which show that you think about him all the time, or, worse, that you want to know what he is doing all the time. day!
8) I told you, said it a hundred times and I repeat it to you: you are the prize to be won!
Be careful, I allow myself to make a clarification before moving a little further: you must be a prize that a man wants; not play the role of the inaccessible and dissatisfied bother, of which the man will get bored!
This is where you have to know how to play finely, since it is a game of chess! You must always be one step ahead, and project yourself into what he needs to do. It is he who must fight. He must be chasing you!
Challenge him, play, subtly tell him that he is great, but that he is capable of doing more …
But for all of this to happen, of course, he has to want to!
9) We make him want!
Making a man want to be by your side is first of all to shine by showing your personality. When you’re together, you have to have a great time so that he misses it when he’s away from you.
Of course, these are moments that should be like you, and you should definitely not play a role. But if you stop being constantly on hold and in demand, I can assure you that you will enjoy the present moment more. You will relax and be much more receptive to the positive times you are going through. You will open up more to him and to others, since your brain will be less preoccupied with your doubts, your expectations and your anxieties. And all of this makes you necessarily even more attractive!
For a man to love you, you have to stand out from the crowd and therefore be different. You must have unique wants and needs. Do not accept everything, and let your personality speak for itself. It is essential to let your internal qualities speak for themselves!
But we must not stop there. You also have to understand what interests the man you like, take an interest in his world, if possible even try to “complete” it.
All of this takes time and taming. But discovering and knowing the other, his personality, his desires, his needs and his faults, is always extremely beneficial and allows to move forward more surely.
Even if it means realizing that this man, in the end, is not at all for you! Because above all, never stay in a relationship that does not satisfy you: you must not become dependent on your own insecurities!
10) Value, be positive, thank
There are a few little things that will set you apart from the rest in a man’s eyes.
First of all, a man likes to feel strong. So tell him every now and then that with him you feel safe. He will feel “useful” for you and you indirectly thank him for what he is …
Everything is not acquired and nothing is due. If you remember this, you have understood a lot! So, even if there is challenge and game, there must also be thanks. Tell a man that you had a good time with him and thank him, he will only be flattered. And all the more so if he did his best to find a nice idea for a date out with you!
In addition, the more you let him conquer you, the more he will want to do it. A man will advance under several conditions: space and the possibility of doing it, envy, desire and will. All of this is intimately linked. You have to repeat an action at least 21 times before you can start to get used to it. So let him act, think of you, come to you.
11) From meeting to relationship
Be independent and radiant so that little by little he is afraid of losing you. You will slowly reverse the trend, and it is he who will become dependent on his own habits, his desires and the moments spent by your side!
Very simple and shortened definition of commitment: action by which one binds to something or to someone. It doesn’t mean getting married. But that means respecting certain principles which correspond to the wishes of both parties.
Does he want to get involved? Ask him why. He must have real, genuine and well-founded feelings. not the simple fear of being alone or the desire to expose yourself to his arm. Warning: if it is too inflamed, it is often a sign that it is unstable. love at first sight does exist, but it is extremely rare. A real relationship is built in serenity, appeasement, confidence, not in frantic impulses that risk quickly falling (for fear of commitment by thinking more about it, or because he got what he wanted. ). So, as usual, take your time!
Doesn’t he want to get involved? It is his right! Try to learn to differentiate, from the start or later if he does not want to engage:
- a man who is afraid of commitment,
- of a man who does not want to engage with you,
- or the one who does not want to get involved at all,
- or, to flee, from a manipulator!
It is important not to put all men in the same category.
After how long does a man want to commit? Usually it doesn’t come extremely quickly, but it won’t take years either. There is no rule, of course. But giving you an average of 2 or 3 months seems relatively reasonable.
CONCLUSION
I wrote this article not only by asking a lot of questions to men around me, in order to probe them about their expectations and how they are going through the beginnings of a relationship, and what drives them to move forward or to stop. otherwise scares them away or disengages. I also wrote it by passing on to you all that the men told me through the hundreds of coaching sessions that we have carried out together. I therefore sincerely thank them all !!
Now I hope you come to understand men a little better. So you have a better idea of what can move a man forward in a relationship. To conclude, here are a few key points to put in place immediately if you …
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