4 pillars of a solid and lasting relationship
Love and relationships
Want love, and forever?
It is undoubtedly the dream of many emerging couples, to end up together.
But love is more than a dream: it is also a reality with which we must know how to confront, and that we must accept.
Because once the stage of love-passion is over, compromises are required in a relationship, which will, by definition, have ups and downs.
here are the four pillars of a strong and lasting relationship, to defy the laws of nature!
1. Communicating is essential
And it’s not just a cliché you hear in romantic comedies: communicating is the key to any relationship, whether friendly or in love.
Dialogue on a problem that we encounter, express his opinions or desires, confide in things that bother us, this is how a partner can play an important listening role.
Communication takes place in both ways, at a time :
- In the position of dialogue, expression
- In the position of listening, understanding
A relationship can only be lasting if each of the partners adopt these two positions in turn.
A person who will only be listening will end up getting bored, even frustrated, of his partner’s confidences.
On the other hand, playing both roles allows you to keep a certain balance, which is essential for the couple.
It is also important to show compassion and respect : communication is knowing how to put yourself in the other’s shoes.
Never think that what the other tells you is useless or uninteresting.
What hurts your partner may be different from what can hurt you, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect them.
On that too, we must therefore communicate!
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2. Keep your couple’s passion alive
There are studies on the intimacy of couples, and 89% of them say that the passion died out after a few weeks or years.
This rarely happens at the beginning of the relationship: we are often on a cloudy note, we discover the other with a new eye and a lot of tolerance.
However, many things come to test your feelings:
- The routine, but the one that is boring, where we no longer flourish (because yes, we can flourish in the routine)
- Lack of trust, which taints your relationship and pushes you to be jealous
- Lack of privacy, which tends to keep the two partners apart
To have some intimate relationship is essential for a couple to last.
Of course, it is not a question of forcing yourself, far from it, but rather of finding the levers to maintain a passionate intimacy.
To do this, you can:
- Give you a mandatory weekly meeting
- Break the routine by making short weekends to get together
- Finding times to meet again, especially when you are starting a family
Also, don’t panic if at first glance it doesn’t seem to be working.
A couple is a clever mix of two personalities living two different temporalities: even if you want to, it is not certain that you will spend the weekend of your dreams on the day it was planned.
Leave room for the unexpected!
Your only course should be: love and envy of the other.
From there you maintain the passion as you see fit.
Your partner and their well-being should be your only priority. It is also by having common projects that you will keep this bond.
3. Have common projects that evolve
Having projects together is important, but projects that evolve along with your relationship, it’s even better.
When you first start dating, you are rarely the same people, with the same expectations, a few years later.
According to a Canadian study, 71% of couples who got to know each other during their studies experience difficulties after a few years of relationship.
The cause ?
A misunderstanding on the respective visions of the future.
If, in the last year of studies, the project is individual and consists of looking for work, it is quite different after 6 or 7 years, where the implementation of joint projects, such as the purchase of a house or the foundation of a home is felt.
It is important, in order to build a lasting and solid relationship, to carry out their own personal projects, such as living abroad or volunteering.
Ask yourself the right questions when you start to like someone: do I see myself founding something with her in 5 years? 10 years ? 15 years?
If the answer is yes, you have every interest in discuss how you see the future.
For your projects to evolve, both individually and together, you need to discuss them and create an environment that is conducive to trust.
4. Create an environment conducive to trust
This is the last pillar of a solid and lasting relationship: the environment conducive to trust.
Why not just talk about mutual trust?
Because you have to be realistic: at one point or another, you will be jealous of your partner’s work colleague, or you will want to check their SMS on their phone.
It happens to everyone, so the goal is not to aim for trust for confidence, but rather to learn to trust each other.
Set limits that you don’t want to exceed, both in your attitudes outside the couple, and in terms of respect for private life.
Healthy couples have respective activities that allow them to « escape » a little outside of their romantic relationship, which is a good point.
Again, discuss your different points of view.
You will understand, the four pillars of a strong and lasting relationship are none other than communication, passion, common projects and trust.
Ready to experience love without an expiration date?
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