Why he is distant – the 5 possible reasons and what to do
I am often asked why a man is distant, and what to do in this case: radio silence ? Relaunch, write one last time?
The reasons why a man takes distance can be varied, and knowing them can help you feel reassured and panic less.
Let’s take a look at the 5 possible reasons why this man is distant with you, and how to react in this case.
He is distant: 5 possible reasons
He has a personal problem
Men are more likely to want to manage their problems alone with themselves, without feeling the need to talk about it. They can be stressed by work, not feeling well, etc.
In these cases they especially need to be left to manage on their own (I am talking of course of a masculine tendency, but each man is different of course).
If this is the case for your partner, do not push if you feel that he does not want to open up about his problem. Show him that you trust him, and make your life on your side. He will come back eventually, when he has solved his problem and is better.
He runs away from confrontation
Men tend to be more cowardly than women. Maybe by fear of conflict, of confrontation. If he feels under pressure because of reproaches that you do to him regularly, maybe he will tend to fold in on himself, and take some distance to avoid confrontation with you.
It is also possible that think about breaking up, but dare not do it, so he will become hateful (fleeing, nasty etc.) until you can’t take it anymore, and be the cause of the breakup. Because he does not want to take the bad role, that of the executioner, the heartbreaker. I call it the self-release technique.
If you feel that this is what is happening, you better try to express it. Let him know that you’ve noticed his distance lately, and that you are worried about him. Then ask him if this has anything to do with you. See at that time if he can reassure you or not. This can be a good clue …
Be careful, however, not to not express your doubts (« I have the impression that you don’t love me anymore »), or be in reproach (« You no longer pay attention to me, you are selfish, you no longer tell me that you love me » etc.), because a negative mood promotes negative thoughts, even if they don’t originally exist.
For example, if you are afraid that he will be distant because he doesn’t love you anymore, when he just might just have a personal problem, your doubts might cause him to doubt too needlessly. And yes, the lyrics have a more powerful power than it seems …
He is distant because he is afraid to commit
If you are in the early stages of a relationship, this man may be distant by afraid to commit. Of course humans are afraid to commit, and perhaps even more so are men, because they are afraid of lose their freedom, to lose themselves through a relationship.
So it’s important to give them air at the start of the relationship, not not create too strong a fusion. Take time get to know you, but at the same time be present to one another.
However, if this man clearly tells you that he does not want to commit, that he is making you wait, be careful not to have expectations precisely vis-à-vis the relationship. And if you on your side are sure you want a relationship with commitment, I advise you to be clear and transparent with him on that. Because if he is not able to meet your needs quickly, there is little chance that the relationship will become stable thereafter.
It is possible that he has wounds still too deep that prevent him from being able to project himself with anyone (an ex, a personal problem etc.). Of course you can be even more attracted to him because he seems inaccessible to you, but you risk leaving feathers there.
He is not sure he can project himself with you
Another possibility that he is distant is that he is not sure that he can project himself with you. He might not feel it, unconsciously or not. Perhaps he has not yet felt this « little thing » that makes the difference, and is waiting to see.
It has nothing to do with you girls, with you not being good enough for example. I invite you to stop asking yourself this type of question, to question yourself unnecessarily. Because the loving feeling is made on small insignificant and uncontrollable details most of the time: way of moving, of speaking, gestures of attention, look etc.
You may just subconsciously remind him of his aunt that he hates because you have the same hair color, or the same way of speaking. These are unconscious reasons that cannot be controlled. So if that’s the case, no need to feel guilty. You just have to accept that sometimes the attraction is not reciprocal, and that it takes everything to make a world.
He needs to refocus on him
The most likely reason your man is distant with you is that he simply need to refocus on him. He needs to see his family, his friends, play video games… In short, he needs to put himself in his bubble, to be alone.
It doesn’t mean that his feelings are going down, just that he has need time for him. It’s hard to imagine when you feel the need to be with the person often, a need for fusion. But this is a good opportunity for take time for yourself too.
Go out to see your friends, your family, watch your favorite series, read a book that makes you want to. Your man will surely be back in a few hours, or a day or two, as if nothing had happened. Everyone has their own rhythm.
What to do when he’s distant
You have seen that the reasons why your man is distant are varied. So what you can start doing is reassure you.
You may be suffering from emotional addiction. Maybe you have afraid of losing it, of being abandoned, and that this fear is so strong that it controls you. She makes you think he’s distant because he’s going to leave you like a handkerchief.
try take a step back from your disaster-scenario thoughts, because there is a good chance that you will be influenced by your strong emotions for no good reason. Chances are, your partner just has some issues that are bothering him, or just needs to refocus on him.
If the situation lasts over time, it happens so frequently that it gives you little news, tell him clearly how you feel vis-à-vis the situation. Tell him that it hurts you, and that you worry when you don’t hear from him for a whole day, for example.
If it’s not clear what relationship you have (Is it official, are you really together?), try to find out more about what he expects from you, and tell her what you need in a relationship : engagement, sharing, etc. So you give him the opportunity to be frank with you, to tell you if he is ready or not on his side.
to summarize
When the man you have feelings for is distant, it is best to reassure yourself first, because there is a good chance your emotions will be in panic, because you are suffering from emotional dependence. Most of the time a man takes a distance for several hours, even 1 or 2 days, because he has a personal problem, or needs time for himself.
Then, if the situation is repeated often, and he is unable to reassure you, try to find out more, without being in reproach or waiting. Just tell him how you feel, say what you need, to see if he’s up for it. Simply 😊
So you put it in the best conditions to choose to engage with a radiant and assertive woman.
And you, what action are you going to put in place to show how you shine and you assert yourself? 😊
If you suffer from his distance and don’t know how to deal with your emotions, click here to find out about the Serenity program: knowing what to do with a distant man.
Marie, your Love Mentor
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