Dating : Guys, this is the real reason why you’re not getting any dates

I get it. You’re frustrated with your dating life. Even though you know you’re a great person, you just can’t seem to get anywhere. Every so often you go on a date with a girl you find relatively attractive (hopefully), but you just can’t seem to repeat the feat on a consistent basis.

You know after the date ends that you probably won’t be going on another one for at least a month or two.

You don’t just want dates to be magnificent one off events that happen randomly, outside of your control. You want some consistency.

I experienced this feeling for the majority of my life, always complaining about how it’s so much easier for attractive women. Almost everyone they swipe right to on tinder has liked them back, they get approached by men all the time, and they hold all the cards. They can basically choose who they want to date, whenever they want. I have no chance unless I’m rich and famous, when the women will finally come to me. But that’s unlikely in itself.

All these thoughts flooded my head for years. Then I realised I was wrong, and so are the vast majority of men who also think like this.

The key to improving your dating life is realising that it is totally within your control.

In the last four weeks, I’ve gone on dates with five different women. Prior to the last four weeks, I’d gone on five dates over the previous six months. So previously I was averaging less than one date per month, and now I’m averaging more than one a week.

How did I achieve this? By taking responsibility.

If you’re unhappy with your dating life, I guarantee you it’s because you’re not approaching enough women.

You probably met the majority of girls you’ve dated through friends, or it just sort of happened naturally, outside of your control. Maybe you just bumped into coincidentally at a party.

There’s nothing wrong with this, but it’s difficult to get any consistency with your dating life if you’re just hoping a girl will come your way every so often. It’s just not going to happen very often, and the issue is that you’re leaving everything up to fate. What will be will be. You don’t say that in your work life. You don’t just walk into an exam hall having not revised, and leave your future up to chance. No, you study every single day, almost certainly meaning you have a better chance of passing.

You might be able to see what’s coming then. If you want to go on more dates, you must start talking to more women. If you’re somebody who likes to go to a lot of parties, you’re not going to get anywhere by just standing with your mates in the corner of the room, avoiding anybody you’ve never spoken to before.

Have the balls to go up and talk to a stranger. If you have a friend who can introduce you, even better. If you see your friend standing with the attractive girl, go over to them while they’re talking, and you will be introduced to the girl. Easy. And you have nothing to lose, other than your bullshit pride.

Likewise, even if you don’t know many people at the event, you are allowed to walk up to people you don’t know and start talking to them. That’s how I’ve been getting one date per week. It’s basically just a numbers game.

And I get it. You’re thinking that sounds great, but the only issue is that I could never do that. I don’t have the confidence.

Guess what. That’s a story you’re telling yourself. A lie to make yourself feel better about not going for what you want. A year ago, I’d never walked up to a single girl I didn’t already know in my entire life. Even though I wasn’t quiet around my friends, I knew I didn’t have the balls to go up to a total stranger. Now I’ve gone up to hundreds.

But how did I do it?

The key is understanding that confidence comes as a result of courage. When I first started approaching women, I was a nervous wreck. I stumbled over all my words, and didn’t get very far. But the more I spoke to women, the more confident I became at doing it. Even when I got rejected, I started to just not really care. I basically became more immune to rejection. The sting I used to feel when a girl told me she wasn’t interested basically went down over time. This eventually enabled me to act more confidently when I spoke to women.

But the key is that I only got confident because I was courageous and resilient. Just going up to one girl isn’t going to solve all your problems. You need to take rejection after rejection, kind of like with job applications, until you see any results. Everybody would be unemployed if we stopped applying after being told no just once.

It all sounds well and good, but you, like me when I was first told I could approach women I didn’t even know, probably think you don’t have the courage to go up to a stranger and start talking to them.

If you really care enough though, you will do it. Get a friend to tell you to go up to a woman you find attractive when you go to a club, and tell them to be persistent in telling you to do it. If this doesn’t work, make sure there’s a consequence if you don’t speak to a girl you would want to speak to. For instance, every time you don’t approach a girl you want to talk to, you have neck a shot of the tequila that you absolutely despise.

You can start off slow. Aim to go up to just one girl the next time you go to a club. Do this a few times if you need to. But soon you want to just start going up to any girls you find attractive, every time you see them. I started out by going up to around ten every time I went to a club. You get used to doing it very quickly, so your nerves won’t be anywhere near as bad as they used to be.

You will still experience nerves after approaching lots of women, but the sheer fact you know you’ve approached dozens of girls before and you’re still alive will make it a lot easier to just go and talk to the girls of your dreams.

Even if you suck at first, keep going. You might be worried about what to say, how you say things, etc. Don’t worry. Just go up and say “Hi, what’s your name?” and see where it goes. If there’s one thing I’ve realised it’s that it doesn’t matter what you say. What’s more important is going up to introduce yourself in the first place.

You will get rejected a lot. I still do. But what’s key to understand is that they’re often not rejecting you. After all, they don’t know you and you know you’re a valuable person. But there are lots of reasons why a girl wouldn’t be interested, that can often have nothing to do with you. For instance, sometimes women just don’t want to be disturbed by guys and only want to have fun with their friends. No matter what you say or do, it’s outside of your control and you are going to get rejected. Just accept it. It is what it is. Now go up to another girl,

Eventually, if you go up to enough women, some will find you very attractive and will give you the time of day to woo them over. It’s a numbers game. Just have a positive attitude every time you go up to a girl, and that’s all you can do. The more you do it, the more confident you’ll become, and the more dates you’ll get. Literally like anything else.

To give you an idea, I approach on average about 20 to 30 girls every week. I’m not someone who likes to go clubbing all the time, so the majority of women I speak to I meet during the daytime, whether it be on the street, in a train station, or various other places.

Again, I get it that you think this sounds crazy. Surely a woman wouldn’t stop to speak to you on the street? You could be a crazy serial killer for all she knows! You’d be surprised. As long as you’re confident, some women will be open to talk to you. I will often walk up to a girl and just say “Hi, I know this is quite forward but I thought you were quite attractive so I thought I would say hi”. Some will say they’re not interested and politely turn you away. Others will absolutely love it and you will be at a pub with that girl 30 minutes later.

It’s really not that complicated, it just requires you to take responsibility, like you would with any other area of your life.

Especially if you live in a fairly cosmopolitan area, you will shock yourself weeks and months down the line when you realise you’ve been on dates with people from all over the world, who you never would have met if you hadn’t just walked up to them to say hi.

I’m not pretending to be an expert, but I think I’ve learned some things recently that could help out many guys like yourself.

Feel free to comment any questions below.