Dating : How I Turned My First Love Away

Many people go to college or university and think maybe they’ll find love there. I’m not gonna lie, I did too. But after about a week, for some reason — I realized none of them seemed to have the potential. So I started to ease up and make friends (or not). If there had been someone that I liked, I’d have definitely been too nervous to talk to him. But, as none was potential lovers and many had the potential of becoming good friends, I relaxed a ton.

And during the second semester of college, when we had to make a team to do a project, and he approached me to be on his team, I didn’t have any reason to say no. We exchanged numbers and started working together. At first, I treated him as all my other friends. I was too straight forward and very opinionated. I was not the easiest person to get close too. But he was brilliant, outspoken, persistent, and a bit silly.

Our emotions dance in the paradox of love and fear.
 — Debasish Mridha

We had a lot to talk about even though we didn’t have much common in case of hobbies and whatnot. But that’s why the conversations were more compelling… we talked and argued. We texted each other whenever we had something to share and talked on the phone every day. If anything exciting happened to me, I wanted to tell him first. I could suspect that maybe he liked me. But neither of us said anything of the sort and I went on convincing myself that we were just really good friends. Even though I didn’t spend that much time chatting on the phone with any of my other friends.

One day after about six months, I was scrolling through Facebook and suddenly his face came up. He was smiling widely at the camera and his eyes were sparkling. My heart gave a jump instantly. There were others in the photo but I didn’t notice them. Then, I remembered all the other times my heart beat faster when he called and how I waited for him to text me. That day, for the first time, I admitted to myself that I was in love.