Dating : Long-Distance Dating in A Quarantined World

Hitched

How to survive being a world apart

Full disclosure. I am not currently in a long-distance relationship, but my husband and I were so I know how to survive one.

I desperately hoped that by the time I got around to writing this article, it could just be about dating normally in a long-distance relationship. The pandemic had other plans. My procrastination and hope have made this post late, and for that, I am deeply sorry.

Here are some of the things my husband and I did to help survive a long-distance relationship.

There might’ve been a few days where we skipped this one, but generally, we talked not only every day but almost all of the time.

Some days we would spend seven hours+ on Skype.

We didn’t talk for all of that time, but it did feel like we were together.

We could do our own separate thing, make comments and quips as we felt like it but for the most part, it was kind of like we were in our living room across from each other working separately.

I think this is what made it feel like a real relationship. Now I’m not saying you have to spend hours on Skype but making the time to send a good morning text or going to sleep and saying goodnight is a good way to let you know you’re thinking of them.

It gave us a sense of togetherness that really established us as a unit. Knowing that we thought of each other often really made it work.

This one needed to be right at the top to contradict the first statement.

I’m a firm believer in being your own person in a relationship. While it’s important to spend that quality time and let each other know you are loved, it is also important to do your own thing.

Be your own person.

Not only will this give you time to breathe in the relationship, but it gives you interesting things to talk about. How was your pottery class? How was your walk?

Things that facilitate outside passions help you stay an individual and give you plenty of things to talk about.

Outside of movies, it can be tough to find things to do together.

My husband and I met on Minecraft (long-distance from the very beginning), and because of this we had lots of games to explore, but sometimes you don’t want to play games or watch movies together.

Everything becomes stale over time.

We went through so many phases of discovering different ways to entertain ourselves. These include but are not limited to: finding new games, doing all of the BuzzFeed quizzes, watching certain Youtubers together, and playing question games that facilitate conversation, discussion and debate.

One of the best things that we learnt to do together was our own things. We would be focusing on our own goals, work or hobby while in the same virtual room. That helped us to have different conversations too. I would discuss what I was doing, and then we would move onto him. That’s instantly two new topics.

We didn’t do a lot of this while we were dating, but we should’ve. As a married couple, we’ve enjoyed exploring new things together. The case that comes to mind in our relationship is D&D (Dungeons and Dragons), which we had both played in the past but had forgotten about for the last few years. So I asked my friend who was a DM (Dungeon Master), and he set up a campaign.

Now we have a night each week where we get to interact with each other as different characters, and we’ve made friends with the other players who we never met before. I’ve even declared myself a DM in training and run regular sessions for just the two of us.

D&D is a great way to interact in a different way but also a nice way to make friends as a couple. What’s not to like?

Okay my advertising for D&D is over now, but there are plenty of other types of things you can learn to do together separately. This could include cooking or even soap making over a video call. Taking an online course that you are both interested in. Having painting evenings or a poetry night.

There are a bunch of things that you can do to explore potential new interests that might even become a staple of your relationship.

So try some things out. You might end up finding your new favourite couples activity!

When we started dating one of my husband’s friends tried to convince him to go out on the town with him, because ‘you could cheat and she’ll never find out.’

Now my man is an upstanding guy, so he said no, but just as easily he could’ve said yes.

The best piece of advice I can give is ‘respect your partner’. Don’t do anything that you wouldn’t want the other person to do to you.

If you are shaky on the rules of your relationship, don’t be afraid to define them. You should feel comfortable and safe in the relationship that you are in, and your boundaries should be respected. Do yourself a favour and discuss what makes you uncomfortable. It’s about respecting yourself and respecting your partner.

I want to reiterate that this should not be about control.

My husband could’ve gone and done whatever he wanted, he still can, but what he does affects our relationship. There are consequences for actions, and discussing consequences is important in any relationship.

It’s not about taking away someone’s freedom of choice. It’s giving your partner a heads up to your likes and dislikes and trusting that they will respect you enough to keep them.

You wouldn’t walk into a restaurant without telling them about your allergies, so don’t forgo warning your partners of things that might kill your relationship! What they do is up to them, but it will impact the relationship either negatively or positively.

Especially with the current state of the world, we are all going through all sorts of strange emotions. There are extra stresses and upsets, and it’s okay to feel whatever you happen to be feeling.

Do your best to support and be supported by your partner. Over the internet, it can be hard to offer comfort, especially with not being able to give physical contact.

There are some things that you won’t be able to provide. That might mean that one of you steps out during a hard call for some love and affection from someone who can give them a cuddle. That’s okay, not being able to provide that isn’t your fault. It’s something that you’ll be able to do later.

What you can do is get really good at offering them what they need. Give them permission to step out and get support from other people. It will take away some of the guilt you or they might be feeling from having those needs.

We are all human, and we all deserve to be kind to ourselves and each other.