Dating : lo?ve

whenever you asked them about love, you could not help but to notice how they would always show you two opposite ways of answering such question;

first, they would pucker their lips and frown. sometimes, if they had pencil or pen with them — which always happened considering they are artist with realms of ideas stored within — they would balance it on their philtrum, as their mouth slowly rolled out the answer, “it’s a vexatious cycle,” you hummed, signalling them to continue. “it’s pettiness going adagio towards clusterfuckery kind of a feeling,” you could not help but snort, even after they glared at you. “because suddenly you think a certain someone is yours just because they share the same feelings as your own.” you positioned yourself better when you realised how their tone had mellowed down. “it’s lame” somehow you swore to yourself that you could hear the unsaid, “ i am lame”, but you just remained silent. pushing away their emptied out iced milk tea and replaced it with your on-the-rocks espresso.

you concluded that — judging from how they could provide you a rather comprehensively beyond answer — they had been in love before. certainly, that love was not a pleasant one.

you wanted to change that.

second, they will look up with eyes wondering far beyond anything the pair catches within the sight.
sometimes the ceiling, sometimes the unfurled sky overhead. sometimes they would squint and claim how they have just spotted sixth-magnitude star. you snort at them, offended on behalf of your sufficient astronomical grip.
and there it goes— their sheepish grin and crimson cheeks.
“unexpected. sometimes you don’t realise that it is love.” they look back down to the ground. “or maybe, you just don’t want to admit it, since it has actually always been someone you know so well.” they slightly try to match their sight with yours and trying to have both pairs locked on to each other. it takes so much for you not to jitter or skyrocket through layers of skies due to the sudden effect their gaze sends down to your stomach. “but you know it is love when that certain person breathes, and you are just,” they shoot you something alike sincerest and sweetest smile that it melts down the night crisp and replace it with perpetual warmth scattering your entire being. “happy.”
you do not say anything, mainly because you find yourself unable to function. instead, you just faintly hum and you catch them curling up their lips even wider this time around.

you conclude that they are in love with someone, but still you feel the tug at your heart convincing you it is not you. it can never be you, but the luckiest one. someone whose star align with theirs. you curse the deity under your breath.

the next time, it is them asking you on love. the question truly caught you off guard, but still you try to contain your built-up serenity. before you try to answer it, you find your pair of eyes start to scrutinise their face staring just across of your own; bright, eyes expectant and bizarrely beautiful — bathed under vibrant decoration lights.

this is it, you tell yourself. you cannot bail out on this one, this time. you can feel your grip around the edges of the table tightening. you have promised yourself you would answer this question as it is. you remind yourself of your own promise, one that you have never told anyone, but your pneuma.

you take a deep breath. steady, and once again, much firmer this time, locking your eyes on theirs.

“it is you.” you breathe in, quiet enough you want them to be the only one to hear it. “love, i mean.” you emphasise on the subject.

they blink, mouth gaping and eyes stunned. you wish you could break the ice, but you realise you are just as fucking nervous — most nervous, if anything.

but, it does not take many seconds for you to realise that you do not have to feel uneasy any longer. not when you see them grin and move their body forward and, and, not when you can feel their lips on your own and suddenly you have the answer to everything.

“sorry it took me this long to realise.”

and you both giggle.