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Dating : Marriage Anxiety: 8 Things You Need to Know To Calm Your Fear of Marriage.

h2>Dating : Marriage Anxiety: 8 Things You Need to Know To Calm Your Fear of Marriage.

As much as people are attracted to love stories, I have seen various posts on social media about people scared stiff about marriage.

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Like all other institutions, I find that it is ruled by principles that have been true over the generations. However, I do not think it is an easy path to tread but there are many things we need to know before delving right in and even when we are already married. I am no relationship expert but I love studying principles and growth in all aspects of life and marriage is no exception. I do not have all the answers but I am willing to begin the conversation with the 8 points below:

  1. You need to love God and yourself.

Having a personal relationship with your creator has a huge impact on your choices and how you view the world. Also, you cannot properly love another human if you do not love yourself. The bible clearly states that you should love your neighbor as yourself, thus if one cannot love self, how can he/she love someone else?. The process of self-love will require you to embrace yourself with your strengths and flaws.

Self-love Through the Eyes of God

Love of God and self-love will help you stand true to your belief and personal convictions even if your partner might be losing his/her way. Your wisdom and knowledge can be the helping force in the face of a challenge, the way Abigail saved her household from slaughter in the hands of David due to her husbands’ foolish remark ( 1Sam 25: 23–25) or Job sticking to his faith when his wife asked him to curse God and die. (Job 2:9).

2. Love in itself is not enough.

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Although love is an important factor when it comes to marriage, the purest of human love can be tainted by various internal and external. factors. Love in the purest form can only come from your creator. Once the human factor is involved, many things will change.

Love is like all emotions and will be fickle at some point. That it is important to kindle the spark as often as possible because the flame can die if left untended for a while.

Think about this: You do not feel all other emotions at the same time. Some times you are happy, other times sad, anxiety can creep up on you and fear could have a field day. All emotions come and go depending on your mindset and situation. However,..

3. Commitment is the most important factor.

Nothing good comes easy but the commitment to work at something always makes the difference at the end of the day.

There will be fights, moments of strife, anger, but once both of you are committed to making things work, you’ll find a way. This commitment has to be both ways for things to work. When it is one-sided, with time the other teammate will tire and want a way out eventually.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken”. (
Eccl 4:9–12)

However, no matter the commitment and good intentions of a partner, if the other is abusive in any way: sexually, emotionally, verbally or otherwise, it is wise to seek counsel and in worst case scenario give a break. Do not go back after receiving a flower. (You need to see this video if you haven’t)

4. Communication without Comprehension is Bul***t

Speaking with each other is key but if there is no depth of understanding of what your partner is trying to say, it is a waste of time and effort. There is a huge difference in communication and comprehension especially in this age that people listen with the aim to respond and not understand.

Always take your time to try to understand what your partner is trying to say verbally and otherwise. Have and maintain a high emotional intelligence when dealing with your partner.

5. Know your natural responsibilities

Each gender has some natural task or duty although the lines get blurry due to the 21st-century feminism movement, however, it does not change nature. Men are created to lead the family in the general direction of growth, wealth and development. In other words to be a father figure. The woman who knows how to nurture by nature takes care of the emotional and other needs of all the members of the household.

Some natural responsibilities are not up for debate while fine lines can be drawn to assist the other partner if need be. All this should be known to reduce anxiety and uncertainty about what is meant to be.

6. Before jumping in, ensure both of you want to be there

Someone once likened marriage to a life sentence in a maximum prison with only one bunkmate throughout your stay. However extreme it might seem, I think it is better to have a great friend as your bunkmate. A Fernando Sucre and Micheal Scofield kind of relationship.

Both can look in the same direction and see an opportunity

Someone that you know has your back no matter the circumstance and will tell you the truth no matter how difficult things might be.

7. Expectations Vs Reality (Be ready for Evolution)

Men Marry Women with the Hope They Will Never Change. Women Marry Men with the Hope They Will Change. Invariably, they are both disappointed.

-Mort Sahl.

There are many false expectations from both sides but the truth is that each individual will continue to evolve as time goes by. It is best to have in mind that your partner might not change but also know how you can make the best of each others flaw or strengths. Unfortunately, as humans, we enunciate the mistakes and errors of others more than notice their positive sides.

Take time to observe each other and assist yourselves in the evolution that might come from work, pains or pleasure or demands of responsibilities.

8. Every Story will be Different

You are in charge of writing your marriage story.

What I have found to be the easiest way to write a great marriage story is by trusting in God and walking with someone that does the same. If the backbone of the relationship is found in God and it is agreed upon by both partners, the required honesty, show of affection and other necessities will come naturally.

You can learn from the stories and experiences of others but know that your story is different. It comes with your personal decision and conviction to make things work out with each other no matter the challenge that you face. You do not necessarily owe anyone an explanation aside God, your conscience and certain people that are very important in your life.

Also note that as with anything that ends up good, there has to be some work put into it to produce good results. Marriage is no exception to this rule.

Afterthought: No matter your gender, do not be pressured into getting married. There is no yardstick to doing it right. The only way it can be done correctly is if you are in synch with God and have your priorities aligned with your partner. It is not about age, experience or lack of it and availability ( or lack ) of resources. If one is from an African background, it almost becomes a norm for society to place pressure on you but at the end of the day, it is your decision. Pray and let God lead you.


Read also  Dating : Modern Modesty: Do Women Gain More by Revealing Less? (Part 1)

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