h2>Dating : Michelle Obama Misspoke About Divorced Dads and So Did I Before Dating One
During the past year, I have been intentional about going on dates and meeting emotionally available men. I will admit that there was a brief time in my single life that I subscribed to the limiting belief that there are not enough “good black men”; which is such a misnomer, much like the negative stereotype about the majority of Black fathers being absent. Thanks to social media, we see so many beautiful examples of African American men being some of the best dads ever and role models for fathers all over the world.
As someone who has been single off and on during the past decade, and I’ve gone on dates with men from almost all ethnic backgrounds, I can safely say that people are people and no one ethnic group of men have a monopoly on being “good”. Whatever limiting beliefs that we have based on real life unfortunate experiences or negative perceptions that we buy into, they can often become perpetuated patterns that we accept or self-fulfilling prophecies.
Thanks to a good girlfriend who encouraged me to be “open”; which I admit I initially thought was some “Oprah groupthink” crap lol, I finally decided to invite healthy, mentally well, God-fearing, upright, attractive, and physically fit men into my life and believed that there was an abundance of Black men who fit this description and more. During the process, I realized that I had intentionally overlooked many good brothas because some of them were divorced dads or single dads and I did not want to date a “baby daddy”.
However, once you cross that 40-year-old milestone, a great majority of men and women, regardless of their ethnic heritage, have most likely been married before and/or have kids. Thus, I decided to be “open” to dismissing and demystifying my limiting beliefs about divorced dads.
During the past 9-months, I have met AMAZING black men, several of whom are extraordinary divorced dads. They are actively engaged in their children’s lives and making responsible choices too, unlike the common misnomer our forever First Lady Michelle Obama unintentionally perpetuated when she referred to Donald Trump behaving like a ‘divorced dad’ during an interview with Stephen Colbert in April 2019. I believe a more accurate description of what Mrs. Obama may have been trying to say is that Trump is like a ‘neglectful father’; a title attributed to someone divorced or married.
Thankfully, the dads I have met are the antithesis of neglectful and I have benefited from the patience and unconditional love that they have developed by co-parenting and raising their children. I have seen divorced men make extraordinary sacrifices for their children and not just financial. So many of us still put divorced men and single dads in a box of negative stereotypes; which I once did too until hearing many different narratives from interviews in this podcast, The Chair with Ramona Wright, featuring various fathers, two of whom fell into the category of divorced and single dads. Their care and concern for their children reminds us that the popular narrative that all divorced/single dads are neglectful is more uncommon than the norm. Also, with more than 50 percent of marriages ending in divorce, we need to recognize that the negative stereotype about divorced dads, presupposes that divorced mothers are more engaged and well-intentioned than fathers are. Check out what these fantastic fathers have to say about the negative perceptions and stereotypes that they are confronting and debunking 24/7:
I’m glad to now be an advocate for dating a divorced dad, especially if he has healed any bitterness and/or trauma from his past relationship(s); which is something hopefully we all are doing before seriously dating. Also, I realized how hypocritical it was for me to be prejudice of such men because when I was a kid, I yearned for my single Mom to meet a nice man and get married so I could have a dad.
However, I am not naive to some of the challenges and complexities that can sometimes come with dating someone with children, including the possible drama with an ex or baby mama/daddy. At the end of the day, we all have baggage, it’s just a matter of what we are willing to accept and ultimately how we carry it. The moral of the story is… and in my Oprah voice… be open to dating a divorced dad.
About the Author
Sabrina Simone is the creator and author of Thirsty Confessions, a Blog about thirsting for love, acceptance and wanting to be wanted. Her book Confessions of a Thirsty Chick will be released in 2020. Follow her on Twitter @thirstingforluv
