Dating : Our Inner Child

When I learned how to talk at three years old, the world was not ready. My observant and obedient toddler self transformed into a child who could not keep her mouth shut. To this day, my parents are still humored by the comparisons and anecdotes I would say to people’s faces, while I was blithely unaware of the effects that my words had (although I’m hoping it was close to none). People were dealing with a young Indian girl with a mushroom haircut; I hope impactful was not even near the top of the list of adjectives used to describe me.

At 25 years old, I desperately miss this attribute I have. Somewhere inside of me, it still exists, but I feel as though that carefree, vivacious child has been subdued by the constructs of society and the impact that other people’s behavior has had on me. As a deeply empathetic person, the feelings and thoughts of other people affect me profoundly. I think this gives me the strength to be able to serve different purposes in various environments.

Going back to the way I was as a child makes me reminisce on the carefree, forgiving aspect of human nature that most of us lost when we were young. There is a man in my life with the capability to hurt me and also to help me soar. Although I would label it as an unhealthy relationship at times, it does leave me wondering whether forgiveness is a real sign of strength or weakness. As children, when we get into fights, they are over generally over within minutes, through a lively exchange of words, gestures, and emotions between two individuals. As adults, aren’t we capable of the same process? Have we become so hardened by the behaviors and actions of others over time that we have lost our strength, to be able to forgive others no matter the harm that they do to us? There is a saying — “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” I highly resonate with this saying, as I have been notorious for giving this man chances over and over again, leaving me with a twinge of emptiness because I’m putting my expectations on another human being, and also on one that is not ready to give someone else besides himself anything. Through this foolish rather than commendable tendency, I have learned I always want to see the best in others. I used to date men with the notion that I could be the one that fixed them; I’ve learned all that does is try to break me in the process. The only people we can really hold accountable are ourselves.

To speak on my behalf, I want to have the kind of strength that regardless of what anyone does or says to me, my heart stays 24 karat gold. I would never want to be the person who intentionally tries to hurt others. Who you let into your life and to what degree is all a personal preference. My definition of strength has molded into — “the ability to see the light and darkness and know that no matter what, love will always exist and it is up to us to manifest that, regardless of the circumstance.”

To live with no regrets is a happy life. To live with no lessons learned is a meaningless life. Happiness, impulsivity, sadness, joy, fear, and love are all emotions that we carry inside of us. As human beings, it’s essential to display these proudly to resonate back with our inner child, so we have the strength to overcome any obstacle thrown at us through an act of forgiveness.