Dating : Precious Cargo

I ordered some wireless security cameras off Amazon and picked rush shipping. I received the packages on Saturday afternoon. When I unboxed the packages, my wife was concerned.

“Norman, don’t you think you’re going too far with this?” she asked.

“No, not at all!” I said, putting down the boxes. “We have a valid concern that our neighbors may be members of a vicious crime gang in the United States. I think that by putting up these security cameras, we’ll be safer. Who knows, maybe we’ll even catch them in the act for some of their crimes!”

My wife shook her head and let me keep unboxing my security cameras. She didn’t understand, but she didn’t have to. Maybe she’d start to understand later. Either way, for right now, I had only one worry. Setting up my cameras.

That night, I went onto my porch. The lights were on in the neighbor’s house, but the grandparents weren’t over. Hopefully, neither was the son. I waited for the lights to turn off, which ended up being at 1:32 am. My wife had asked me to come to be at 12:09 am, but I rejected the offer. She groaned and turned on the TV instead.

At 1:32 am, when the lights turned off, I grabbed my ladder and quickly ran outside. I placed the small cameras on top of my rooftop, where I could get a good view at the neighbor’s garage. The only problem was, it was at a slight angle. I had one more camera.

There was a bush near the garage. It was thick and unruly, and they complained about it constantly. It technically belonged to the neighbors on the other side of their house, it was just growing through the fence. Those people never ended up cutting or maintaining the bush, so there was always an overgrowth invading their side of the fence. This annoying bush would be the best spot for my camera.

I went back inside the house to change into more stealthy clothes. My wife fell asleep in front of the TV. She looked so peaceful asleep. I would have left her, but I knew sleeping on the couch would give her some neck pains in the morning. I quietly lifted her off the couch and brought her to the bedroom. When I laid her to rest, she mumbled. She was adorable. I kissed her on the cheek and changed into all black clothes.

I walked over to their driveway and over to the bush. I took out the camera and placed it inside the bush. I just had to sync the thing to my iPhone. I brought out my phone.

“Uh, what are you doing here, Norman?” B asked. He was in sweatpants, a t-shirt, and was holding a glass of wine in his hand.

“Oh, uh… I just accidentally threw something, and it landed near this bush,” I said. “Y’know, playing catch with the dog.”

Never have I ever been so relieved to have a dog in my entire life. B accepted the lie.

“Do you need any help? I can grab a flashlight,” he asked.

“No, no, I’m okay. That’s why I brought out my phone! Flashlight!” I said. I tapped the flashlight icon on and off.

Thankfully, B left, and I could sync the camera in peace. Both cameras covered the garage perfectly. I could probably even get a license plate number off the camera views. The resolution of the cameras wasn’t that great (I’m not made of money), so the bush camera would be the only one catching the plates. I don’t know what I would do with the plate number, but it would be a nice piece of information to have.

I would check on the cameras periodically, just to make sure that they stayed in position and that the neighbors weren’t suspicious. Every morning I would wake up, drink my morning coffee, and check my iPad for the camera feed. My wife would always groan whenever she saw me checking the iPad (I did that a lot, admittedly).

“You’re retired, Norm. Just do normal retirement things, like me! Pick up crocheting or start learning about pesticides — anything other than setting up goddamn security cameras in our neighbors’ bushes!” she said to me.

“After this, I’ll do crocheting. I swear. But right now, I gotta do this.”

“Why do you have to do this? Why are you being so nosy?”

“Aren’t you curious what they’ve been talking about all this time? Aren’t you curious about this triad stuff?”

“Norm, you said they’re basically part of the Chinese mafia. Why would I start to get curious? I don’t want to get killed,” she said.

“You think we’re gonna get killed for this?”

“Norm. You said that they are part of the Chinese mafia.”

“The Triads.”

“Sure, the Triads. Now, you’re saying to me that they’re getting this super secret and super important shipment to them.”

“Yes.”

“And you’re planning on stealing this shipment.”

I stayed quiet.

“You don’t think that the Chinese Mafia– I’m sorry, the Triads, are going to feel any sort of way about that?” she said.

“Fine! Fine.” I threw up my hands and I put down my iPad. “I’ll do nothing of the sort.”

My wife looked relieve and started to massage my back.

“And look at you, you’re so stressed! I can feel the knots in your back,” she said.

She must have been in a great mood after that conversation because she started kissing my neck. She tenderly laid kisses from my neck and bit my ear slightly.

I felt bad. Here she was, trying to get my mind off this delivery, when I was thinking about whether or not I could install the camera feed on my phone.