Dating : The Real Reason Why You’re Not In The Honeymoon Phase Anymore

When we first fall in love with our significant other, we fall in love with who they are.

It’s what attracts us to them. It’s what we can see in the present moment. It’s tangible.

If we fall in love, we fall in love with not only who they are right now, but also who they were because that’s what made them who they are today.

Where things begin to go south is when we fall in love with a person, but then they change and we still hold on to what they used to be.

Most of us are holding on to who our significant other was and not who they are now. Naturally, we compare them to who they are now to who they used to be.

The honeymoon phase ends as soon as that happens.

Fights begin to surface more often. Things that used to be cute, adorable, and quirky become annoying, agitating and bothersome.

If you’ve been in multiple relationships, you’ve definitely experienced this. It usually surfaces spontaneously and suddenly your significant other’s perfections become imperfections in the blink of an eye.

At this moment you know that you’ve fallen out of the honeymoon phase.

Why does this happen? Can we prevent this from occurring? If we’re in a relationship where the honeymoon phase has ended, is there a way to save it?

I’m here to not just tell you that you can save it, but that you can restore your relationship back to a point where it feels like you first fell in love with each other and actually revive the honeymoon phase. Once you’re able to do this, you’ll also able to stay in the honeymoon phase indefinitely.

Most people think the honeymoon phase is a one-way street and that you can’t go back. That’s simply not true.

You’ve seen those people who have been married for decades and it seems like they just fell in love yesterday.

Their secret?

They didn’t only fall in love with their significant other for who they are and who they were, but also who they are becoming.

They created a vision of the future of what life would look like with the other person and fell in love with that as well.

Ultimately in life, we are either growing or dying. It’s a fact of life.

Is your relationship growing or dying?

If it’s dying, it’s because we keep holding on to what was instead of what could be.

If it’s growing, it’s because we fell in love with who the person was, is and will be. This also means then we fall in love with the future that is painted together with the other person.

There are so many components to why falling in love with who you both are becoming is beneficial to a relationship. This is in tandem with loving who they were and are, but we can’t forget who we could be.

By loving who you both will be, you begin to adopt a growth mindset.

If you’re not growing, you’re dying.

This fact can also be applied to relationships.

The relationship can’t begin to die or become “stale” if you both are continually growing with each other.

If you’re not growing together, you’re growing apart.

The moment you stop growing together, the relationship begins to die.

And if the relationship begins to die, it’s because we’re resistant to change.

Growth requires us to change and become better. It’s killing off our old selves and growing into our new selves.

You can’t hold on to who you were while growing into who you’re meant to become.

The same is true in a relationship.

If we aren’t willing to change, that’s when we continually fight and argue about the same thing over and over again with our significant other.

The fights always revolve around the few same issues like, he keeps lying, she keeps pointing out my flaws, he keeps going out, she never has time for me and the list goes on indefinitely.

If you both changed, wouldn’t that argument not surface again?

This is why it’s so important to become unified and fall in love with the vision of what you both want your future to look like together while falling in love with who you both are becoming.

You must sacrifice your old ways for the greater vision you both have with each other.

If you both desire that future you’ve created with each other strongly enough, you’ll let go of your past selves.

Yes, that means putting your ego aside, it means biting your tongue, truly understanding where the other person is coming from and why they are thinking the way that they are.

A growth mindset means that we continually think, “maybe I could be wrong.” And we learn and grow from that.