Dating : Third time lucky?

With the new year and getting another year older I thought this is my year. I have been taking things more seriously. I connected with a few people, but it was the same thing we exchange pleasantries and then I don’t hear back from them. Do I have the best bants in the world? No, I know I don’t and when I ask how your weekend is going, I genuinely mean it! I have seen some profiles where the guy has written, ‘I wont respond to messages that start with, hi, how are you’ This threw me a bit as that actually is my starting line, if you can’t start with that what do you do?

I connected with one guy, we exchanged numbers and were talking on a regular basis. He asked to meet and unfortunately, I couldn’t do the week he wanted to meet up, a week went by and I got the courage to ask him when he was free to meet and we agreed on the week after. During the in between period I did notice that he wasn’t messaging as much, when I would then initiate the conversation he would always apologise and say that he is really busy at work. I had a week to prepare before our date and so many thoughts went through my mind. Where do we go? A friend said that you should always go for a coffee as you can have one and go if it’s not working out, if you go for a drink you can’t just have one you would have to stay for two at least. I then started panicking about what to wear, it was playing on my mind. I did notice that his communication started thinning out, we would go a day or two without talking, I was told this is fine but having read he’s just not that into you, you know this isn’t fine. I brushed it off and made the effort to message, he did reply back. All was set for our date. I even got my nails done, now anyone who knows me knows, I don’t put this much effort into things. I washed my hair, I wore a pretty dress, I made such an effort that even people at work noticed. Come 11 am that day he asked if we could postpone our date due to the riots taking place in town. I responded by saying ‘sure’. Obviously trying not to sound too disappointed, but I was actually surprised at how disappointed I actually was. I didn’t get a reply, but he did message in the evening. Things then went quiet after that and it really annoyed me, so I thought I am going to do the grown-up thing and wait for him to message me, as is it right that I am the one always initiating the chat? Is it too much to ask for someone who wants to message me all the time? After speaking to family they said I should just message him one last time, so I did and again could tell he wasn’t fully into it, he then came out with it and said that he has been speaking to a number of girls and he has decided to give it a go with one of them. I thanked him for his honesty and wished him luck.

This threw me back for a number of reasons. I said to a friend that I feel rejected and it’s hard to swallow, he asked how I could feel rejected when we never met. It was very fair point, but you can’t help but feel like that. But also, if I was not the desperate one who kept messaging would he have just stopped talking to me and not given me an explanation?

It also made me think I really don’t know online dating etiquette, is the norm that once you have exchanged numbers you speak to multiple people at the same time? Why did no one tell me this? Is there a rule book? Or was I just upset at the fact that I finally found one person who was happy to speak to me for longer then a day? Either way it has opened my eyes. I have now joined two dating apps and my journey to find a husband continues!

They say love hides behind every corner.. I must be walking in circles