h2>Dating : Wake Up, Sleepyhead!
Do you ever have one of those weeks, when you have the best laid plans, and everything seems to turn to shit by noon on Monday? I could say lots more about that. I could whine, complain, and wallow in my misery until lunchtime today. But you don’t want that. Nobody wants that. What holds true for me, is that when I’m stuck in the mire of not being enough to everyone, not being thin and cute, not being rich enough, and not wanting to make myself go eat worms (yeah, there’s an old southern nursery rhyme about that, stuck somewhere in the depths of my harried old brain), is that it makes me take a long hard look at things.
I look at all my shit, through the lens of my deeply personal binoculars. “Ann, I say, what you really need is to clear your head. Spend time in nature. Find out what makes your heart sing, what truly makes you happy. Because the more you fill your life with stuff that doesn’t, the more your life will fill up with shit that you don’t want, that you never wanted, that you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy, but that you decided to carry for everyone, just because you don’t want anyone else to have to do it.” Obviously, my self knows some shit about me that I don’t usually acknowledge when I’m running on auto-pilot.
The best gift that nature has to offer me and my over-burdened self, is the raging sea. Let me first announce that I am a self-proclaimed sleepyhead. I don’t mean that I’m lazy. I just mean that I’m a serial snooze control hitter. I never want to get up in the mornings. The fact that I’m a nurse means that I’ve had to pull my body along with whatever shift was the shift du jour of the day. My body wasn’t always happy about that. I have to tell you, though, that my body LIGHTS UP whenever she breathes the salty air, sinks her feet into the warm enticing sand, and watches the quiet world wake up around her.
What time does the sun wake up over the beaches of North Carolina, you ask? Today’s Tarheel report told me 5:59am. Damn, that’s early, even though there aren’t many more magical moments than witnessing the sun come up over Wrightsville Beach, in the days leading up to midsummer(that’s a fancy name for summer solstice). I was tired last night, though. How will I drag out in the morning, I asked my tired, burdened self? The waxing Scorpio Full Moon, in all her hanging glory, winked at me and said, “Don’t worry, hon. I’ve got this.” I know that Full Moon doesn’t require capitalization, but trust me on this one. So that’s how it happened, that I woke up before the 5am alarm, not angry about it in any way, brushed my teeth, and shrugged at the patiently waiting dogs. “Go back to bed with Daddy. This is Mama’s time.”
The Keurig spit out a cup of its strongest brew, right into my new turquoise Yeti coffee cup that I just purchased last night. Disgruntled, I noticed it’s got a tiny dent on the bottom edge. I choose to ignore that for the moment.
I grabbed my keys and cruised out into the sleeping little town; the roads peppered with a few diligent morning keepers like myself. I felt proud of myself. I drove down to the extension, and pulled my chariot into a prime parking spot, and was just amazed at how many people were up and moving so early.
Now let’s change to present tense.
I’m so enchanted by the view that I can feel the colors on the horizon, and I run like a little girl, straight down to the water, my toes waiting to feel the coolness. I watch as the lacey brine engulfs my feet and ankles, and I breathe deeply, the brackish air ready to take my fears, my troubles, my burdens, if only for the asking. I choose to let it all go. Right in that one split second moment of time. My heart feels light. Everything in that moment feels right with the world.
I walk my coffee cup down the beach, past the pier. My comrades this morning are widely varied — — all shapes and colors, all weights and sizes, all chasing that elusive sweet spot. I see fisherman, waist deep in waders, pretending that they’re waiting on the “big catch.” I wink at them, knowing she’ll spring up over the horizon any minute now. Waiting…..Old men tip their hats to me. “Mornin.” Old ladies raise their coffee cups in salutation, and I raise mine back. Young men with sinewy muscles sprint right past me, surf boards tucked closely at their sides. Off to find that “big wave.” Any minute now…..Young ladies, flopped down on beach towels, dramatically and not so patiently waiting for their surfer dudes to complete their missions.
And right then it happens, the promise of every single morning, even while we doubt and sleep. That bodacious sphere of cosmic gases bounces right up over the shoreline, smoothing her skirts, telling us that we just need to trust, and be authentic, and that perfection is only a myth. Oh, but she is perfect, as she lights up the world, waking up the sleepy heads. I know that she hears the same siren song that I’m hearing in that very moment. That familiar ancient thrum. She lifts the veil of darkness and invites us to enjoy her warmth. She draws me to her and hugs me tightly.
I walk back towards the public access, half-heartedly looking for sea glass and sharks’ teeth. My burdens are lighter. I enjoy the brevity of just being, if only for just a few short moments. I smile at my dented coffee cup and know that It’s a true reflection of all that I am in this life. Flawed, yet beautiful. I have a little spark of realization that I didn’t remember the number of the entrance I took to the beach. Then I smile again, this time at the old familiar dune. The marker of my path. It’s always there. I know this in this moment of time.