Dating : Why We Run Into The Arms Of Easy Love (And What To Do About It)

For some, love (like water), flows in the path of least resistance.

Faced with a challenge to grow in love, we usually turn to easier options — easy love.

Instead of working on our current relationship issues through open and honest communication and empathy, we turn to others who are willing to offer us comfort in our current state.

“I love you as you are.”

Liars.

They love you because you are not available and because they haven’t had to deal with you in your difficult moments.

Tough love, is, well…. tough.

It searches and probes our inadequacies. It exposes our insecurities.

Why would anyone in their right mind want to reveal their vulnerabilities? Because love requires that you lay down your weapons. That you open your armor and show your willingness to be hurt if the other person chooses to harm you.

Love is not tough because the other person is complicated.

It is a reflection instead of our own complexity.

What stops us from going deeper?

• Trust (mistrust in the other person) — exhibited in ‘excuses’ or assumptions about the other person’s character.
• Trauma — A rather heavy word to use in this context. But we all have experienced traumatic experiences in romantic love. A hint of something in our present that triggers the memory of a past traumatic experience is sufficient for us to shut down our hearts like a tightly-closed fist.

The right thing to do here is to gently pry open the fingers and open ourselves to love. To risk. To hurt. To pain. And all the other potentially unrewarding consequences of “falling in love” with another complicated human being.

What helps:

Be easy love.

Be the person who is easy to love. Stop making the other person jump through hoops expecting them to leave at each hurdle.

So that when someone runs into your arms, they feel at home. And it’s the only time when running into the arms of easy love is the sensible thing to do.