Why and what to do ? Advice from a love coach
You do not have no news
for several days, he barely answers to your messages, and several hours later. It is less caring lately, less demonstrative… In short you feel that your man walks away, and it’s hard to live with.
On your side, you consider the worst : he has met someone else, he no longer loves me, something has happened to him etc. You want to understand what’s going on in his head, you do what to think of him, and it becomes burdensome to live with.
In the cases where your man moves away, your brain goes into “disaster scenario” mode, and you have difficulty to reason with yourself, to think of anything else. Do you have to revive it once again ? You ask yourself lots of questions, then come anger and sadness.
Don’t panic girls! There is ultimately little chance that the worst will happen, and the good news is that it also depends on your attitude towards him. Let’s get inside your man’s head for a moment to understand why he is pulling away, and how you should act in this case.
Why is your man walking away?
He needs to refocus on him
If your man walks away, chances are he just has need to refocus on him. Men are sometimes less in the fusion than some women. They can give a lot in the relationship at times, and at others they want to see their friends, play on the console …
Men may feel less desire for tenderness, hugs etc. And there is no harm in that. The only problem is that you insecure, because you have the impression that you caused the estrangement, that you have do something wrong. While this is not the case at all!
You will see: after a few hours or a few days of refocusing on him, he will come back to you as if nothing had happened. John gray explains it very well with the elastic metaphor in « The men come from Mars, the women from Venus » : a man is like a rubber band which stretches regularly (it moves away) and which always returns.
Keep in mind that he will most likely come back to you, so give him the space and freedom he needs at that point.
He is afraid of commitment
There are also chances that your man will walk away because he has fear of commitment, especially at the start of a relationship, or at a point in your relationship where he begins to ask himself important questions: Is this the woman of my life? Do I project myself with her?
Yes, men also ask these questions. They may have « flip-flop moments » if they are not sure of the answer. This is the typical case of men who are demonstrative, then walk away for several days or weeks, without giving any news.
If you really care about this man, now is the time to show him that yes, you are an exceptional woman (see how to do it below).
This man walks away because he comes off
The third possibility when a man pulls away from you is that he is really breaking away from you emotionally. If he becomes aggressive, talks badly to you, no longer respects you, this can be a telltale sign. If you catch him writing to other women several times, or hiding his cell phone, that is also a bad sign.
If your relationship has been going on for a while, and it’s the first time he’s been away like this, now is the time to have a honest discussion with him, to find out what’s going on. Better to know the truth as quickly as possible, rather than suffer from being in doubt for weeks …
But don’t come to a hasty conclusion: the signs you are seeing may be unfounded, so wait until you have proof, or start a discussion with him.
What to do when your man walks away?
Since there is a good chance that your man will walk away because he needs to refocus on him, or is afraid of commitment, there is no need to panic. He will surely come back to you soon!
If you are the type « Emotional dependent », to need frequent demonstrations of love, to live very badly the distance from your partner, it is a very difficult test.
If this man moves away from you regularly, without giving you any news for several days, for example, it is better to let go of this relationship, because you risk continuous suffering with this man.
But if it is a reasonable distance, but still difficult for you, it will be necessary reassure yourself. Imagine that you are talking to your inner little girl, who is afraid of being left, abandoned, rejected. Gently reassure her that there is no reason, that you know what you are worth. Ask her what she needs right now to feel better: watching a funny movie? Her favorite series? Dance, call a friend?
Indulge yourself and your emotions: you do what you can.
Refocus on yourself when your man walks away
If your man needs time to refocus on him, the best thing you can do is do the same! This shows that you are in a healthy relationship, where you don’t depend on him. There is indeed nothing more disagreeable to know that the other needs us to be happy, to live.
So make your life on your own, focus on your passions, your projects, your family, your friends. The goal is not to show that you are having fun on social networks, while monitoring his own news feed. The goal is not to take care of yourself IN APPEARANCE, but in REALITY. Otherwise you will get stuck in the pain and theobsession the other.
Even if it is difficult, try to make an effort to take care of yourself. Clear your mind, stop being dependent on it.
Show yourself present but not dependent
As we have seen previously, addiction is unhealthy, because it puts pressure on your partner, who feels that without him, you are nothing, not happy. So that doesn’t necessarily make you want to come back to you. Show him, on the other hand, that you can have your own moments to enjoy, that you know you have a life balance. Your relationship is as important as the other areas of your life: family, friends, work, activities etc.
Be careful, however, not to be in the opposite extreme: adopt a flight attitude to return the favor. For example, if he comes back to you the next day, and for avenge you, you do not give him any news for 2 days, it may make the situation worse.
Indeed, a man who cares for you needs to know that you are present, without being dependent. And that’s pretty healthy after all! You don’t need each other to be happy, but you are happy to share special moments with him. I’m not telling you here to adapt to him, and be available only when he wants it, not at all. It is only about respect his moments, and D’have moments to take care of yourself too. Just avoid being in silence just by flight.
To sum up, I would advise you only one thing if your man walks away: to kindness and respect, whether towards your man and towards yourself 😊
If you feel the need to tell me about it, we can discuss by email via support: click here.
So what action do you think you take to get your man back to you? 😊
Marie, your Love Mentor
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