Dating : Slightly Degrading 1st Date after an Illness

Dating : Slightly Degrading 1st Date after an Illness

Met up with a woman I used to date in college after I got into remission from cancer. I needed a win because dating during my chemo was out of the question.

1st time we tried to meet up she cancelled. She is a nurse and was having unexplainable shakes. She has health problems with work. So I told her to take care of herself first. Let me know if there is anything I can do.

2nd time she actually does come over. She is slow to get out of her car. Not sure if she is tired or felt obligated to see me b/c I survived cancer & she was being nice. We hop in my car, get food, I pay, walk on the beach then go back to my place to play Nintendo Switch.

She wants to nap and asked me to close the blinds. Okay….sounds suggestive.

I start chatting and testing her out with some touch. She then lets it out that she is seeing someone.

Dating? No. Just hooked up with some guy.

So I stopped escalating then she said she felt bad….

What am I a charity case now?

I guess I was so thirsty I didn’t kick her out. But she has also been a friend during my cancer process & we had phone sex twice before that process.

I move from the floor onto my bed. She follows without being invited.

Okay….

She wants to watch a movie. We put it on. She then gets a pillow on me. I put my arm around her. Movie is over. I start to kiss her. Then she starts to cry a bit because she has never been with two guys at once….

Okay….I should’ve stopped to preserve my own dignity, but ya boi’s thirsty. Y’all may not have a clue what its like to be in the hospital for a total of (3) months during COVID during the winter fighting for your life and losing all your hair. The lonliness of not being able to see visitors during COVID and not getting a vaccine until 15 days before my official remission was tough.

We start making out. We get hot/heavy. She does not want my hands to water below the belt so they don’t. I actually get off unbeknowst to her & just stop. I guess it looked like I was considering how she felt. I was. But mostly I lost my desire.

So we stopped.

Walked her out, she kept hugging and kissing me, and texted to see if she made it home well.

I remember back in the old days I would follow Pick Up Artist information. Depending on the situation they would tell you to « plow through. » But to me this just felt pitiful. I felt like a clear option.

I know she wants a long term relationship, but also know she is very sexual (when we used to hook up in college and the phone sex last summer).

**What would you have done?**

A Pick Up Artist answer would’ve been that she is lying about the other guy. Or that they aren’t dating exclusively so its fair game. However, I know her. I did not think she was lying to me. She is looking for something long term. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for that position in her life.

I know….Hard for you to say b/c my illness is something not everyone can relate to. Losing 45lbs of muscle in a year is akin to being a Prisoner of War. You can relate to the isolation of COVID, but not of COVID & the hospital & a debilitating illnesss (at least I hope you’ve never had any major health issues).

However, we all have may have been someone else’s option at one point. Maybe you have been the losing one in the competition to another person your prospective lover is hooking up with.

It hurt my self esteem. Hell, it happened two weeks ago. I am writing about it now. But I will keep the smile within my heart & continue to be the best man I can be.