Dating : « Right person, wrong time » and « They’re amazing but… » : What made a person worth the hurdle/challenge/fight-to-make-it-work?
I personally believe that there’s no such thing as a perfect dating situation. Whether it be different cultures, distance, different emotional timelines/phases, pre-existing social ties, or even something like differing ambitions/aspiring paths.
What was that one hurdle that stood between you and someone you dated? Did it dissuade you from dating that person? What was it about the person/situation that told you that it would be worth the hurdle?
Is there even such a thing as a perfect time and a perfect person? Some people argue that the time will be right if the person is right.
I did distance and it was worth it. Recently, I decided to not pursue someone due to different emotional timelines and distance.
Right Girl, But wrong time situation here.
I’m Living In Japan and I have been dating this incredible girl, the only problem is that she studies in America and she will have to go back once summer break ends.
We decided to break up at the time she goes back but now we don’t want to break up because we became really close to each other and we want to have a long distance relationship.
I’m so ready to try and do everything for this relationship to work, I have never been so sure of saying « This is the one » and I really think we’re gonna go trough this very well, We love each other and we really want to make our relationship work in every way posible.
Any advice for long distance relationships is also welcome if someone has one.
I started dating this girl when I was 19. It lasted for 8 years.
We were both music teachers. Lived together, had similar outlooks on life. We were inseparable, hardly ever fought.
I was so sure I had been blessed with finding the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with at such a young age. I keep a journal in which I write everyday and she and our relationship were almost always mentioned in my gratitude list.
But I want kids and she didn’t. We were both mature enough to understand that compromising on this was a terrible idea. We parted on good terms. I never cried so much in my life.
« Perfect time, perfect person » is almost like saying there is The One for each of us which I believe stems from our culture’s obsession with longevity of romantic relationships. There have been plenty of people who thought their person was « The One » and it ultimately ends.
I recently dated someone whom I really liked but didn’t end up working out because of emotional timeline differences. Before we even started dating, this person told me they didn’t see us together long term, which to me communicated they weren’t ready or willing to commit. I decided to pursue a connection anyway because I felt there was a lot I could learn about myself through that person and I really enjoyed spending time with them. And I definitely did learn a lot. But after a few months, we both came to terms with the fact we wanted different things and ended it. I go back and forth with whether or not I made the « right » decision with even pursuing the relationship in the first place. But I’m not sure I would’ve learned the same things about myself had it not been for this dating situation. So in the end, I’m glad I did it and worked through the hurdles (and the pain) to make it last as long as it did.
Moving forward, I don’t think I will pursue someone else who is not wanting to commit or who is not on the same level as me emotionally. I’m realizing that commitment in a relationship provides a level of emotional safety for me that allows for deeper connection and growth which is what I’m looking for right now. But I wouldn’t have known that if it wasn’t for this past relationship. So in this case, I think *every* relationship can be worth it depending on how you look at it and what you take away from it. This is not to say that abusive relationships should happen or that they need to happen but basically that every one of our choices in life can help us grow and determine the next steps we take on our journey.
That was very philosophical (hahah) but I do appreciate your question!
Right girl, wrong time.
She was young, had to return to college and living abroad. We had a covid relationship that was wonderful but she started to feel held back and I understood – long distance is tuff and she’d resent me for holding her back so we parted once covid lock down was over.
She told me she wished she met me later in life after she found herself and maybe she will.