Dating : Low dating retention rates
I am female in my early to middle twenties, well educated, works out, good sense of humor, extroverted and can hold a good conversation. I’ve been dating for about the last two or three years and I always seem to find myself heartbroken, lonely or drained after each relationship/dating experience.
I’ve dated about four or five guys in the last two years whom of which all lasted more than four months. We would go on dates a few times a week, they would introduce me to their friends and parents, and I would do the same. I always seem to think that it will end up in a relationship as it seems they are keen to integrate me into their daily lives.
After a couple months however it always seems to stay in the casual dating phase and they start giving me major ‘friends with benefits’ vibes or it either ends with them leaving to date other people/ghosting me. I **don’t** tend to catch feelings easily in the beginning but after a few months I tend to fall harrdddd which I think also has to do with the sex. This is super frustrating because they always seem to leave or we ‘break up’ when I’ve caught major feelings, which leaves me completely heartbroken for months afterwards.
I know that the whole point of dating is to gain experiences and to learn from them, but I am seeing repeat patterns that are negatively impacting my self confidence and would like to learn how to rectify them.
I have been told by my therapist and even past exes that I am ‘too nice’, which probably means that I am not assertive enough in relationships and with what I want. I really can’t help this though, making other people happy, especially someone I care for is what makes me happy, however not to the point of self sabotage but I may not be a good judge of this.
I was wondering if any other women out there have/had the same problems and have found some type of solution or any tips to perhaps avoid this? Maybe even some tips or advice from men as to why they do this? I am just genuinely interested, much appreciated!
27m here. Difficult to say but maybe it could be as simple as you stating your intentions earlier.
I know it’s not quite easy to tell someone you’re not looking for something casual without coming off too strong, but if you don’t want to waste time and emotional energy, you’re going to have to find a way to do it…
I dated a girl for 8 years and we broke up because I wanted kids and she didn’t. Which means that I will need to know on the first few dates whether the person I’m seeing wants kids or not. I’m not going to pursue a « dead end » relationship and so shouldn’t you.
You’re kinda hitting the nail on the head without knowing it. Casual dating. You’re there for them to have fun with. That’s it. End of story. The second you want more than that it’s time to move on to the next girl. You give these guys all the benefits they want already.
If you want a guy to stick don’t casually date and find a decent guy. Not one you are expendable to.