Dating : How do i (22 f) stop myself overthinking everything /getting too invested/intense
Basically I went on a date with a guy I’d been talking to a while on Thursday (20/06/19).
We exchanged a few texts after the date when I got home bc he was checking i got home safely, then I said I needed to sleep, because it was midnight, end of conversation. Then nothing til Saturday when I texted him asking him about his weekend, got a reply or two , then left on read.
so i was REALLY panicking because… ithought the date went well and i liked him. and now no replies so maybe he hates me (to be fair my self esteem is v low.)
# BUT
before the date … this was how we texted too! very on and off, taking a few days to reply. He’s olderthan me (and god knows even guys mid 20s can take ages to reply). it was often kind of – on my end to initiate conversation, which was fine, he works, i’m a student etc, it didn’t bother me, so … i dont know why i feel so raw about it now.
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i feel like,,, i’m getting panicky,which is wild for someone i’ve met once . and kind of rejected- i have adhd and rejection sensitive dysphoria is SO intense i HATE it. but logically… i feel there’s nothing to suggest anyhting’s wrong. and i know logically the more i stress and get angsty the more it’ll only push someone away from me!
so how can i get over this/distract myself?? any one got any tried and tested methods? I’m not really the kind to date multiple people at once-if I like someone, then that’s a rare occurance and I’m invested
You will always feel nervous and insecure, I’ve felt that way with girls I 100% knew were into me, I’ve felt that with dates that I honestly didn’t even care if they called back or not. It’s a natural feeling and for some people its worse than others,
I say again I’ve gotten nervous over hearing back from someone I wasn’t even really into, explain how that makes any sense.
You might not stop feeling that way instead you’ve just got to learn to accept the fact that you are nervous and overthink too much. At the end of you date just remind yourself, I know this is gonna bug me, i accept that. It helps you deal with it, like when you have a job you hate doing, its a lot easier when you just accept that it sucks and do it.
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Focus on yourself – work out, get a hobby, spend time with friends, get a manicure/pedicure/facial and keep busy. Stop initiating texts. If he doesn’t reach out then it’s HIS loss. Tell yourself that any man would be lucky to have you until you believe it!
Although you said you are not one to date multiple people at once…. you should try it (>3 men may be too much). It doesn’t mean to fool around with them, just date them. You won’t be hung up on any single guy and you learn about what you like. It also helps for weeding out the ones that are not serious.
For me I guess it’s just my personality but I like talking to multiple people at once and dating with a few people in the early stages.
I feel like dating is supposed to be fun and explorative. If the other person doesn’t want me I’m happy to know because that would’ve never gone anywhere anyways
I usually just have 0 expectations and not in a good or bad way, but I mean I legitimately have 0 expectations and I like meeting a ton of people
Okay, but why is this me to a literal T?! Every detail is pretty much spot on and I hate that I’m like this. I wish I had an answer, but I’m still figuring it out myself.