Dating : A question for couple’s therapists about this thread
After reading a lot of replies to people seeking dating/ relationship advice or just venting, many commentators reply with « leave them, not worth your time, or divorce them. » Many times it is plainly obvious that the relationship should end due to it being blatantly unhealthily. However, it seems that even if the dating/relationship/ marriage is just going through some dumps, or insecurities due to lack of healthy communication, the comment of « end it immediately » still gets a large amount of up votes…
Dating, relationships, and I’m going to assume marriages, take large amounts of constant work. And if you’re lucky, sometimes the work doesn’t feel like work. I just think that if everyone on here looking for « advice » goes with « break it off » the world would be full of so many more singles.
To all the many types of therapists out there reading this, can you speak to this? Or would you agree that if someone isn’t 110 percent happy at all times in a relationship they should immediately end it and not try different methods to mend the current issue and learn?
» Dating, relationships, and I’m going to assume marriages, take large amounts of constant work. And if you’re lucky, sometimes the work doesn’t feel like work. I just think that if everyone on here looking for « advice » goes with « break it off » the world would be full of so many more singles. »
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It’s simple: Yes, every relationship and marriage requires constant work. However, you should not settle for less than you are willing to give. Having someone who puts in significantly less effort than you do, is not a relationship but slavery.
No relationship is going to be 100% satisfactory, because there are always going to be things that you want your SO to change. The key is to recognize that for most such things, it is very unlikely your SO will ever change or come around to your way of thinking, so your only alternative is to decide if you can put up with these things, and see them as quirks.
Now of course if your SO has some serious issue you cannot accept, of course you should break it off. We’re talking things like addictions, abuse, lying, cheating, criminality, violence, serious mental illness, narcissism, but also other things detrimental to a relationship like workaholism.