Dating : How to approach the topic of FWB/NSA when it’s right there in my profile.
So, I (19M) have been getting quite a few matches the past couple of days, more than I ever have, because I changed my bio. At the bottom, I have a line specifically saying I am only looking for a friend with benefits. The logic is that if I put that there, you know what’s up when we match and there’s no point in beating around the bush. I like direct, straightforward, and blunt women when it comes to this.
Unfortunately, despite me doing so, none of the 10 or so matches have responded back to my initial message, where I would usually ask if they were actually down. Am I *still* being too forward despite being as forward as I thought I could be?! I am legitimately confused here and I need some help before I lose it, lmao. I don’t understand.
In my experience, it’s better to be somewhat vague about it. Right or wrong, most women don’t want to *feel* like they’re only meeting up for sex, even if that’s what they really want. There’s a lot of slut-shaming in our society.
So instead of saying you’re looking for FWB, try something like: « not looking for anything serious right now » or « only looking for fun times at the moment, not a relationship. » It’s pretty clear what that means, but it still gives her plausible deniability from a mental standpoint.
This is my opinion, and you can dislike it if you want, since I don’t think it’s what you want to hear. I want to feel like I have value beyond being a human flesh light, so even if I’m dtf, I want to get a sense of your personality first and I want to feel like you like me as a person, and I want to like you as a person. It’s _friends_ with benefits, not weird strangers with benefits. So if we matched and you opened with « Are you actually dtf? » I’d ignore you, because it appears we’re looking for different things.
I feel like that shouldn’t be your first message. If you’re actually gonna be FWB, that involves being friends and having some sort of connection with them. Get to know them first before you ask them if they’re still down, or else then it seems like more of a transactional thing to me
Young king, most women will not have sex with you unless they believe there is a possibility of a long term relationship. You kill your chances before it even starts putting out there that you just want to hook up.
You are the guy or girl?
Women that want something NSA/ a FWB type of thing have a large pool of men to pick from. Yes you can be blunt in what you want, but how about some regular conversation first? Physical attraction is usually not enough, even when you are not looking for love.
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And while you are there saying « Hey so are you really DTF? » some other guy who also wants a FWB is talking to her first, then after a certain connection is established he makes it a bit more sexy and he starts to imply that he isnt looking for anything serious. That is not playing games, that is two humans making a connection and then deciding to meet and see if there is potential for a FWB situation. Don’t forget what the F stands for in FWB ;)!
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Edit: she read the profile, so she knows you aren’t looking for the love of your life right now. No need to confirm that right away. You can ask if she read the profile later on in the convo or it will come up naturally in conversation.
People on swiping apps tend to make quick decisions based on physical appearance. They only read someone’s profile once they match, so if they don’t like what you wrote then the match is a dud.