Dating : People I’m attracted to don’t want me. People I’m not attracted to want to marry me.
I don’t know what I did in my past life to deserve this foolishness.
For some unknown reason, I seem to have very specific « types » for men and women. Both of these types make my heart flutter and my knees weak. Both of these types also prefer the LITERAL OPPOSITE of me. I wish I was exaggerating. Not only are they not attracted to me; I’m the polar contrast of what they’re into. This has been the case every single time.
However, other people seem to have me as their exact type. This would make me happy as a clam if I felt even the slightest hint of attraction for them. I couldn’t date or sleep with them if I tried because there really is no desire on my end.
Can anyone else relate to this? Feeling like I’m pretty much destined to be alone.
I had the same problem. Still kind of do. What I noticed is I act differently with girls I like and girls I don’t. With girls I don’t like, I’m more chilled and laid back and natural. With girls I like, I try a little too hard trying to impress them and be funny. After noticing this, I tried my hardest to be myself around girls I like. Experienced a little more success this way but there are still times where I catch myself falling into bad habits.
Maybe this applies to you? I hope so and I hope it helps you be a little more self aware.
You may be looking for something specific in people that doesn’t work well for you… have you thought about what it is about those people that you really like? If it’s purely physical, then yeah, you won’t match up with most of your physical types.
I can definitely relate to this 100%. However, my picker is broken. That means that the women I’m « weak in the knees » attracted to are usually the wrong one’s for me. Broken people (like myself) are often attracted to other broken people, which lead them down roads of bad relationships. I’m not saying you’re broken as I don’t know you, but this has been my experience.
The long-term relationships I’ve had (3 years, 11 years) have all been to women I was not overly attracted to physically, but I did feel an emotional connection at first. Over time I became attracted to them in a more meaningful way, which lead to great relationships. Even though we are no longer together, we still remain great friends. Both of those long term relationships ended because as people we changed and wanted different things in life, and not because we were no longer compatible emotionally.
When I have dated girls that I’m overly attracted to it has ended badly. Usually jealousy, anger, arguments, cheating, etc are the main focus of the relationship. So I no longer date those types of women. Food for thought.
Not exactly what you’re saying, but I’m pretty sure most people are plagued to some degree by the problem of finding someone they want, _who wants them equally back_. It’s basically the golden problem
Figure out what the people you’re attracted to are looking for and make some self improvements?
Welcome to reality.
Is it because of your looks or personality?
Yeah mate, feeling you 100% on this.
This hits way too close to home rn
Might also be a « you want what you can’t have » thing. You might not feel attracted to people who show interest in you. More people than I’d like to admit are like that, and yeah, sort of forever single, always going for things out of reach. What can you do, unless it’s caused by some underlying issues that make you avoid feeling drawn to people who you could emotionally bond with (and thus get hurt by).
maybe the exception should be that it’s not only about people who give you butterflies and weak knees . maybe there are other symptoms you can look at that may show that you’re interested also.
as an example I find that as long as I’m not totally opposed to being with somebody , I do actually give it some dating time and as the case goes , probably in a few weeks the feelings warm up and I end up liking them just as much as someone else that I may have felt some initial reaction at the first sight.
Yeah i would rather be single then fuck with someone im not interested in and for some reason it makes them want me more. The same goes for people i want that dont want me, my desire for them increases. You want what you cant have. Some people dont care tho and will fuck anybody and everybody
[It’s the Costanza curse.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8VBLarPqYQ)
I can relate only to the first part of the title.
People I’m attracted to, don’t want me and people I’m not attracted to also don’t want me.
Everyone wants to date up or at least across. That leaves a lot of people not getting what they want. Maybe you haven’t figured out your spot in the dating pecking order?
This is the typical women experience
I definitely feel this. I think of myself as a decently attractive man, and I’m not picky when it comes to a woman. But for online dating, I only ever get matches/messages from a specific type of women, and they aren’t ones that I’m physically or even mentally attracted to 99% of the time. Makes you feel like you’re doing it all wrong. I get it.
I can relate and found myself thinking a little of the same way you’re doing. It doesn’t help to think like that. In my experience I’ve attracted a lot of single moms for some reason but rarely girls I thought were attractive. However, there were some I thought were attractive ended up being attracted to me initially.
Maybe it has to do with how you interact with them vs the ones you don’t like. Or how your putting yourself out there.
Hey! I can relate to everything being said. I’ll only add the following: these people that you are very attracted to, you are probably idealizing, that’s why you can’t be chill around them. For me, love and attraction made a turn when I found myself really liking a girl that was not at all my « type ». Things began as friendship, which is why I was natural around her and got her to like me without even knowing that I had a thing for her. I think we tend to fantasize about people we think would be perfect for us, but that’s not love, that’s just us being childish trying to dictate who we should like in accordance with what we think, instead of just feeling things. To truly like someone, I find, you need to know them. Correct me if I’m wrong, but you probably don’t really know these people you feel a very strong attraction to, you’re just projecting onto them what you thing would be an ideal partner.
Just be yourself, keep looking, and things will develop naturally, I’m certain you’ll find someone 🙂
having types for men AND women, thats a rather specific kink.
i’ve been head over heels, feeling ridiculously lucky, in love twice in my life. both of these girls just completely swept me off my feet. it was like someone had spent decades studying me and had created in a lab my perfect counterpart. even the way we met: crazy romantic. indie movie romcom stuff in real life. it was PERFECT.
In each of these two cases, the girls reciprocated for a time and we dated. and both times, i acted a fool because i got anxious and went kinda insane with how in love i was.
what i was too young to realize at the time (22 and 24, respectively), is that’s how your SUPPOSED to feel. you are supposed to be an utter idiot when you’re falling in love. and the person who is truly, truly, truly right for you, through and through, will accept all of those idiocies. she will accept you not being as cool 24/7 as you may have appeared when you first met. she won’t care if say something stupid. because she’ll be going through the same thing.
your true love has to be equally obsessed with you if she is really your true love. it was hard for me to internalize this, because we are truly self obsessed creatures, even the most selfless and thoughtful of us. but if she doesn’t like you, she just wasn’t for you. realizing that, internalizing it, was the only thing that helped me get over those 2 angelic women (though 1 – who i haven’t seen for 9 years or talked to for 3 – still pops up in my dreams, so i am not really over her).
the point of this is not to say hey, you’ll find her, becuase honestly, maybe you won’t. maybe i won’t. but the more relevant point in the short term: don’t get caught up on girls who seem perfect but don’t reciprocate. they are NOT perfect for you, because if they were, they would see you the way you see her.
I don’t know what to say to such a vanilla post. You have mentioned nothing about your likes, and are asking for validation from strangers on internet.
Lol. This is what happens when you want to date out of your league.
I think of « types » as something that is purely physical. I’m not sure that this is what you mean when you say « types. » I’m curious as to whether there’s a middle ground or whether there’s a « type » that you’re overlooking.
Maybe you need to mature a little bit. I mean that in the best possible way:
Stop categorizing people as « types » and treat them as individuals. I assure you as similar as they may seem, everyone is different and has different tastes. Speaking from personal experience, I let go of those manufactured type and expectations BS. I started seeing people for who they really are. That’s how I found my soon to be fiancee and both of us couldn’t be happier.
I feel like this is a common side effect of trauma. You have to work out what you like, and what a healthy version of that is.
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After realising my last LTR was toxic (and feeling so stressed by the nice dude who came along next) I thought I was « broken » but actually it’s natural to respond strongly to what is familiar (my family was not stable, so I don’t respond well to people who want to care for me). I want intoxicating love that isn’t forced so I waited to feel something for someone similar to me, hurt but trying to get better.. it happened 🙂 And surprise surprise, he treats me so well… Just be fussy. Wait. You want to be single when the stars align.
Literally could have wrote this myself… so disheartening over time.
This is totally what is happening and happened to me. The women i am interested in don’t want me, or are not compatible, or you get to know them and they carry heavy experiences with them or other things i dislike. It’s like i never get lucky or what i want lol. I might lol but it’s not funny actually.. It’s frustrating!
This is the realest shit I’ve read here
That has to be really common. It’s one of those things where it feels like someone planned it until you finally beat it.
I somewhat understand your frustration. I feel like guys I attract just want sex. Which is fine, but it’s not for me. I like to build a connection first and hang and see how I feel about the next step.
Oof, I feel this. For the guys I don’t want, I’m like the total package. I’m never “enough” for the guys I do like, though. I’ve been attracted to so many guys that I absolutely know things will never work out with. Sometimes I know it’s for the best but most of the time now I dread liking anyone.
oh my god I’ve spent years feeling like I was alone in this- AND I’M NO ALONE. Like, yo this sucks so hard, but we’re not alone.
ok, YES!!! I have tried so hard to express this but I didn’t know where to ask or how to word it. You’ve worded it perfectly. How do we fix this?? It’s the worst!
Do you know what it is about these people that attract you? And what it is about the other that DON´T attract you? I can 100% relate to your post, it is the story of my life. But lately I have been reflecting A LOT on this topic, and in my case I am starting to realize that this all me. Idk if I have an inherent fear of true intimacy or that I doubt my « right » to be loved, but the types I tend to fall for are in reality the opposite of what I want and need. They are aloof and unpredictable, not « free spirited and mystical » which I used to tell myself. In a way the « chase » can be exiting, but thats about it. I do however believe that there has to be some level of attraction in order to fall in love with someone, but maybe opening up for that is the true answer. Opening up the people who are good for you, even though they aren´t as (toxically) exciting as the others
Maybe think about “why are these people attractive to me? What makes them special? What makes me want to date them?”
I usually feel attracted to people who have certain traits that I admire, and I don’t have, such as being laid back, natural extrovert, or people who don’t treat me differently for being a big nerd.
These are traits that are not “fixed” in a determined type of person; you can find many different types of people who may all have these things in common even if they don’t have the same “physical traits”.
Maybe when you pinpoint what exactly makes them attractive to you, you will be able to recognize these traits in other people and not just one “select” type.
It’s mostly been like this for me too, until I met someone that I decided to give a chance and things just happen as they’re meant to. In my life at least, it’s always happened when I wasn’t even looking. Take heart, it’ll all work out. Good luck