Dating : People downplay the importance of height preferences on dating sites/apps.
A lot of times short guys like myself will complain about how it’s difficult to get dates as a shorter guy (which has been proven to be true). Heck, I’ve got an instant dozen matches on Okcupid by merely bumping up my height by a few inches. A lot of people will downplay the height preferences by saying « it’s just online » and you would have better chances IRL. People are just shallow online, right?
But online preferences are not meaningless. They are telling. They highlight what women find sexually attractive. I’m sure that there are lots of short guys in relationships. But are they really sexually attractive? No. Women like them in spite of their height and are mainly emotionally attracted to them.
Online preferences show who women have actual pure sexual desire for.
Some people will say that I’m being lazy and finding excuses to not better myself but I don’t think it’s that. I just can’t help get over that fact that I’m inferior.
As a short guy, you never feel desirable because women expect you to have to charm them. You’re never attractive at first, you always have to do something to have any sort of appeal. By default, short men are undesirable. A tall guy is naturally appealing just as he is. The problem though isn’t that I don’t want to try and put effort in to my character, it’s that realization that others guys don’t need to which tells me that I am lacking and undesirable. The fact that I have to be this great, super positive, 24/7 energetic charmer, with no flaws says that I really am lacking and inferior.
I mean I’m a short dude, and I‘m pretty sure I’m above the median as far as sexual attractiveness goes. I’ll agree that height matters to a degree (probably moreso online), but saying that short men aren’t sexually attractive is blowing it way out of proportion. Height is a factor, sure, but it’s only a very small portion of what makes a man sexually attractive to women.
Women don’t look at men the same way as men look at women. In fact, I’d say that, within reason, a man’s demeanor matters much more than his looks/height for his sexual value.
I also don’t really think you can take what happens online and transfer it to real life preferences in any meaningful way. Asking women if they prefer taller guys to shorter guys is like asking men if they prefer big boobs to small boobs. Most (not all) men are going to say big boobs, but would you think a woman you’re otherwise attracted to is sexually unappealing just because she has small boobs? Naw.
Edit: Just saying, it looks like you’re pretty insecure about your height. I’d wager that’s the bigger reason for your struggles than your height.
As a guy who knows girls who talk about guys they meet and whatever, I can personally confirm they have an issue with short guys. It must be a primal mating instinct. I think it’s really shallow myself because so I could say no chubby girls and women would freak saying I was being too picky and shallow.
When I was younger, I dated quite a few men who definitely weren’t physically attractive to me at first. For the most part, quite a few of them were kind of nerdy, intelligent, funny, witty, caring, etc. I got to know them pretty well and became increasingly attracted to them over time, but I have to say that in general, I didn’t find them physically attractive.
That said, height is definitely a variable that matters to some women (myself included, in terms of how immediately attractive I find someone), even if they don’t want to admit it so not to appear shallow.
At the end of the day however, people are going to be attracted to whatever they find attractive, and not much can be changed about that.
What I think does need to change however, is how malicious people can be towards others, regardless of whether or not they can’t control or change the specific trait.
Yeah, except for the top few percent, most of us have some imperfections. Being shorter definitely makes it harder to date, but so can many other things. While online dating, those are usually the things you have to work with, so it’s harder, because it’s hard to shift focus from « being a short man » to « being a cool guy to hang out with »
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As a below average tall guy, I didn’t find my shortness too much of an issue. Yeah, you usually won’t get many chances with girls taller than you, but as long as you’re about equal in height, they don’t seem to mind that much.
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>As a short guy, you never feel desirable because women expect you to have to charm them. You’re never attractive at first, you always have to do something to have any sort of appeal.
That’s entirely false. Women flirt and approach me regularly.
5’9” woman here, with a wonderful boyfriend who is 5’4”. I’ve dated guys as tall as 6’4”, height doesn’t really matter to me. If anything I really enjoy being taller than him, I get to be useful reaching high shelves and I can full body hug him. Sure, some may dismiss short guys, but some won’t, just like anything. Griping gets you nowhere. And I did meet my boyfriend on a dating app, with both our heights listed (there was a space for it)
I’m a 5’9 female. Average height of the male population. I’m traditionally pretty. I’ve struggled with my height as a tall female. I constantly worry about being taller than my dates, learned to never ever wear heals. I hate dating profiles that don’t show height in the comments. And it’s not even because it’s my preference. I’ve dated shorter guys than me. I’ve dated taller. I’ve dated exactly my height. My preference is funny. Are you funny? Do you make me laugh? That is basically all I want.
But I hate dating profiles that don’t show height because of the way I am made to feel if I am taller than my date. They don’t like it. It’s uncomfortable. They want me to be shorter. It brings out crazy insecurities in some men. They want the short girls they can throw around and dominate. Not some amazon. I can’t blame them. They like what they like. You just have to accept yourself the way you are. You aren’t going to change female preferences anymore than I’m going to change male preferences. My dating pool is small, same as yours. It is what it is. Confidence is really the key, not how tall or short you are. There are so many women out there sorter than 5’6, that will date you. Except you’ll turn them away if you stay hyper focused onto your height. Put that energy into learning a hobby and meeting genuine women through that. Stop wasting your time on shallow apps. You are better than being a swipe left or right. Your self worth is not in your height so stop putting it there. You probably have a lot of really good things about you. Don’t overlook yourself.
I agree. That and the definition of « short » has changed dramatically, and it changes depending on who you ask.
Some even say that anything below 6 feet is short.
Are you the angry bagel man?
I am a female and after about 30 seconds on your profile I can definitively tell you that it is not your height that’s holding you back. Go to therapy bro
In the online world where it’s based on looks, height absolutely does matter and short guys will always start out at a disadvantage in an already crowded field. This would severely discourage most short guys on real life approaches as they think they’ll be rejected immediately due to their height. It’s pretty tough, but if it makes you feel any better, I am 5’11 and generally struggle in finding dates online. Even when I do find a date, there’s a high chance I get eventually ghosted. I learned not to give a shit really, keep improving myself, and just keep trying. Eventually I’ll find the right person.
As a woman I would definitely disagree. Short guys often have great bodies because they’re more in proportion than some tall guys who get lanky or a little misshapen when their weight goes weird places haha… Much love to everyone, but short guys can definitely be hot, sorry!
Ok well I’m 6 feet, and no one’s dropping their panties around me. Your whole argument just became pointless. There are so many ways to be attractive or unattractive no matter what you look like naturally. No one is perfect, and everyone struggles with at least one aspect of their appearance. If you keep fixating on the one aspect you can’t change, then you’re just going to be defined by that exact aspect. Women can smell that insecurity a mile away. Appearance matters, and I cannot deny that; however, having an obsession with your appearance to this level does absolutely no good. What do you hope to get out of this kind of mentality?
I’m 5’8 and I really don’t have any issues getting matches. My profile displays a fun and outgoing personality, which is what I think women are most attracted to. I’m sure height matters to a degree, but thats going to be mostly towards superficial women. Most people are looking for a personality to match theirs… someone bummed about being short way worse than soemone being short
FWFW, I only put my height on the apps that have a field for it; I get a bunch far more hits then when I have my height unlisted
As a 5’11 male heres the truth. girls have no fucking idea how tall you are unless they are close to your height, a girl whos 5’6 is gonna know right away if a guy is 5’6 and shes not gonna like it, however that same girl will look at a guy whos 5’10 and shes gonna think hes 6’2 honest to god if you stood a 5’9 guy infront of a short girl who claims « i OnLy DaTe 6fT pLuS » shes gonna think hes 5’11-6ft. Dont lie about your height but dont bring it up until youve met in person. If your sub 5’5 your gonna have issues but your first step should be getting off reddit because this place is where short men go to become undateable.
I always thought of it this way: as a M(5’6″), am I sexually attracted to taller women? Yes. But unless she is reaaaaallly attractive, I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to try to sleep with her. Its nothing against taller women, but there is a deep primal drive in me that compels me to seek out potential mates my height or shorter. It is about feeling masculine.
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I say this to say that I would probably wager that, seeing as we are the same species, women have that same deep primal urge: unless he is reaaaallly attractive, they probably don’t desire him. Not because of him: the person. But because of his organism.
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It is a very human thing. And yes, it does mean that some people get the short end of the stick (no pun intended), but in one facet or another, we all have the short end of a stick.
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I should also add, and I say this is in acknowledgement to the warriors of political correctness who are huddling around my front gate as we speak, the lynch mob that they are: females of our species are stereotypically notorious for not knowing what they want, and, furthermore, not being able to directly communicate it. (Relative to the male in both cases. Important because we are patriarchal species, so all communication must finish in the [language] of the male.) This probably has to do with the fact that male’s physiology is set up for focusing on a specific task, whereas the female’s is set up for balancing multiple things simultaneously. So where a man says: « I want X », he usually means he wants X and not W, or Y, or Z. But when a woman says: « I want X », she is also likely leaving the door open for W, Y, or Z. (Also probably a reason why « no means no » is kind of difficult for men to understand, because seemingly to us there are so many other occurrences in interaction with females where « no » meant, well, anything but… And the manifold of these are non-sexual you masochistic and sadistic trolls.) And like the great existentialist Kierkegaard showed: the more choice, the more anxiety, thus the less able is the chooser to wish to choose. This is just my theory though.
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Lastly, remember, you aren’t looking for everyone to like you. You just need one to love you.
I am nearly 2 Meters tall and well, it has not helped me so far…
If I bumped up my height a few inches I doubt anyone would believe me. That would be awkward.
As a tall woman at nearly 6′ who gives no fucks about height of a man….imma say this
The primary reason the general population of women will turn down a short male is due to the exact reason you are getting turned down
Your insecurity…
Confidence is SEXY gentlemen. OWN IT.
The bar I frequent has this one bouncer. Comes up to chest height on me…and he is ATTRACTIVE. I am -sexually- attracted to him to the point of if I could be brave enough to ask him out I would!
Why? Because he gives no fucks how short or tall he is in comparison to anyone else. He will flirt with whomever he feels, grind against all the ladies when they grind against him and he will compliment the hell out of any woman he finds attractive.
Hes not cocky. Hes CONFIDENT.
Short man syndrome is 100% the most unattractive thing out there. And I come across it A LOT. Your post -reeks- of it.